The Twilight Hater
by Everlasting Purple
Summary: Isabel Ferguson was not amused. She hated twilight, would always hate twilight, and now she was in the stupid thing. "What did you do stab Cullen with a pencil?" "No, but I really really wanted to." Different take on turning into Bella.
1. Chapter 1

The Twilight hater

Sum: Isabel Ferguson was not amused. She hated twilight, would always hate twilight, and now she was in the stupid thing. "What did you do stab Cullen with a pencil?" "No, but I really really wanted to."

Disclaimer: I don't own the books or movies.

(**Alright hear is a warning people. This is about a Twilight hater becoming Bella so I must write down her thoughts and feelings about Twilight therefore don't flame me for it**.)

Why do the fates that be, hate me?

Isabel had always loved her name that is before all the Twilight fans decide her name was so freaking awesome and that they should call her Bella without her permission. It wasn't even Isabella just Isabel. Why couldn't they call her Bell if they must give her a nickname? Besides she liked the name Isabel! Why couldn't anyone understand that?

Oh Isabel had read the books and at first she had even liked them. It was a nice little fantasy world really. Normal girl has a really hot vampire fall in love with her. She liked it enough to finish the books, but when she tried to reread them common sense kind of hit her on the head.

First of all the girl was not normal she was a Mary Sue. All online Mary Sue test agree that she was. The falling over everything was so lame and thinking she was ugly when she had no real faults and then everyone hitting on her was stupid. The girl was so messed up she had never had a human friend or boyfriend in her life. That was just sad.

And Edward was a stalker, a control freak, and apparently enjoyed causing himself a crap load of pain. This was fine until he tried to kill Bella's unborn baby. I mean what the hell! If that had been Isabel she would have gone physico on his ass! That was really what really pissed Isabel off and made her hate Edward. It was against the law to force someone to have an abortion. Edward went from nuts to abusive in Isabel's mind and that so ticked her off.

Oh the times she had daydreamed about telling Edward how the real world works. Speaking of the real world, real teenagers cuss constantly. That doesn't mean Bella had to have a potty mouth, but really 'Holy Crow'? The stupidity of twilight was something Isabel often contemplated because with her name no one would let her forget about.

She would not even go into the movies right now. Well she would try not to; Bell had a bit of problem with ranting at times. It was even more of a problem when she did it out loud, in the lunch room, surrounded by Twilight fans….like she just did? Oh god…the girl with the team Jacob shirt is sharpening her spoon! End Rant. Run Now!

She ran to her next class where she could read some real literature like Harry Potter or Anne Rice's vampire novels. The only person in there was this creepy girl who started off into space a lot. She was normally quite so Bell ignored her and sat down to read. Of course today the girl had to speck up.

"You don't like Twilight?" She asked in her dazed voice. Bell sighed.

"Well no Luna Lovegood no I don't."

"Who?"

"Never mind…" Bell didn't know the girl's real name so had deiced if she could have a book character's name so could the unnamed girl. If the girl had never heard of Luna Lovegood there was no hope for her.

"You don't like Twilight."

"Yes. I said that." Bell was irate now she wanted to read.

"Do you think you would make a better Bella Swan?"

Bell gave up on reading.

"Anyone would make a better main character then that unrounded idiot!" So much for reading.

"If you really think so." The creepy girl began glowing. And kept glowing. Bell started at her.

"Okay if Vampires sparkle what the fuck are you?" Bell became blinded by the glowing.

"Luna? What the hell?"

"Lu-" 

"Well what do you think?" Asked a man in a police uniform in front of a red truck.

"Umm." How the hell had she got here? And why was there a cop? Bell hated cops. And it had nothing to do with her habit of steeling candy bars in gas stations! Okay be nice to cops. What is he asking about?

"That's a nice truck!" Was the first thing Bell blurted out hoping he was talking about the truck?

"I got it from- you like it?" He seemed surprised for some reason. Was she not supposed to like the truck?

" Yes! What's not to like about it?" Now that she was looking at the truck it looked old with chipped paint. This cheerful, happy, and energetic attitude was Bell's way of panicking and covering some things up. If he didn't stop talking to her who knows what could come out of her mouth?

"Ah…well it's yours. I bought it from Billy Black down at-"

Bell wasn't really listening. Why the hell had some police guy given her a truck? What was she supposed to do with it? She didn't even have her permit yet!

"He had his son fix it-"

"I love it! Thank you!" Who the crap are you?

"Well…you're welcome." Thank god the man seemed embarrassed and stopped specking.

He brought a suitcase out of the car and she found herself carrying it into the house. When inside she looked at him.

"You can go ahead and get yourself settled."

Uncertainly she walked upstairs.

She found a room that was mostly bare with a bed, dresser, computer, and rocking chair in it. Bell deiced the best course of action was to fall face first on the bed began going though every cussword she could think of in both English and Japanese. She was not Japanese nor could she fluently speck the language, but her love of Anima had inspired her to learn every cussword in the language. Anyway that was defiantly the best thing she could do.

After that she went through the suit case and found very few clothes inside mostly there were books, and hygiene products like a hair brush, tooth paste, and shampoo. The clothes she noted were completely not her style and wouldn't fit her anyway. Well, they shouldn't fit her…was it just the shock or did she feel different.

It was hard to stop the scream when she saw the mirror. What happened to her? Where was her short dyed red hair? Her beautiful blue eyes! Where was the pimple that started showing this morning and why her ears were not pierced! Okay. It wasn't that bad. Not really. The girl in the mirror was a perfect size unlike her own size 14. She had perfect skin. Wonderfully pale and not a freckle or pimple on her.

The eyes were a great lose. Boring brown eyes stared back at her. The hair wasn't that different from her own when it was long and not dyed different colors. She had actually missed her long hair. She would die it a natural red as soon as possible and then she would be fine. Red hair would look natural with this skin type even. So there. It was fine. No need to panic. She looked like a size 10. Down 4 sizes wasn't that a reason to celebrate? Ha ha ha ha. That's right this was great.

Tears ran down ugly brown eyes as the foreign mouth twisted into an insane smile that laughed in disbelief.

"Bella! Bella! Are you alright? Bella!"

"Dad." Bell muttered he was the only one she let called her that. But no it was that cop again.

"I heard you fall. Did you hit your head?" Bell was lying in bed where the cop had moved her. She had fainted.

"No. No I just got dizzy."

"Do you need the hospital?"

"No. No I'm fine. I'm just tired."

"Well you rest. I'll bring you up a sandwich in awhile. Alright?"

"Alright. Thank you."

"No problem Bella." He smiled at her and she saw his name tag on his uniform. Chief Swan. It's a good thing he left because she fainted again.

(So good? bad? Cheese stick? And don't flame me for the hating Twilight rant. It had to be done.)


	2. The sort of Preface

Thank you for the reviews! I hope you like this chapter!

Let's do this chapter in first person for the hell of it.

Because I deserve a Preface

I must have been tired because I woke up at 7: 54 pm and I know it was daylight before. Of course I was too busy freaking out to contemplate the hours I had slept. Okay if I was in Twilight here was my Preface.

I knew three things.

1 I was in fucking Twilight.

2 I was Bella in fucking Twilight.

3 I was a pissed off Bella in fucking Twilight.

Not that fucking happens in Twilight until the last book because Edward is a prude.

There. And I demand another book cover. The apple is stupid and they took that from C S Lewis anyway!

Okay calm down. I guess the cop- err…Charlie that is, brought me that sandwich on the desk. Alright. I can handle this. I eat my sandwich and think of ways to destroy the fake Luna Lovegood. I have to remember that girl's name.

Oh hey, there's a computer over there! Would my email work? My real email I mean as I don't know Bella's. Which means Bella's mom will freak out as I can't email her. Right then! Let's fine out shall we? I have to stop talking to myself when I'm freaking out. I'm sure Edward will get a kick out of it when he starts stalking me. Oh God I hadn't even started thinking about that!

So my email doesn't work. For some reason however Bella is already logged in so I sent a fast email to her mom. 'Hi, how are you? I'm alive and in Forks. Yippee!' So with that done I stare at the computer screen and try not to cry. Alright I'm in a bad situation, but I'm Isabel Ferguson dame it! I can do this! I hope.

First I'm going to zone out with online Fanfiction and porn then I'm going to go to Google map and find the way to school. I hope I don't crash. I took drivers Ed, but I was too lazy to get a permit. I don't want to die in an ugly truck and have my grave labeled Isabella Swan. I really don't.

Oh shit. I'm in some deep doggy dodo aren't I?

End Preface

Next morning

BEEEEEEP!

AHHHHH!

BEEEEEEP!

NOOOOO!

CRASH. There went the alarm clock. Wait. I have an alarm clock? Oh god it wasn't a dream. I should go back to bed. No I shouldn't because then I'll get off the timeline and I need as much of an advantage as I can get. I did not set that alarm clock. I find alarm clocks to be evil and easy to break so I used an alarm on my phone. Shit I don't have my phone.

Must get a cell phone. Didn't the girl say something about having money now that she didn't have to buy a car? Yes she did, but I saw no anime T shirts in her suitcase nor any Harry Potter books so that must take priority. Maybe I can afford one of those cell phones at the gas station where you pay for minutes? It is a thought.

Alright for clothes we have blue jeans I must buy some black ones, but the blue ones will be fine. Shirts are horrible. There was nothing shinny, sparkly, or anime. Nothing with sarcastic words, funny pictures, or anything that screams Gothic awesomeness. I must go shopping. I pick a boring blue sweater with a v neck. If I had my eyes back the shirt would bring the color out and so would almost make such a boring outfit be worth it. I like the black jacket it is a nice cut surprisingly. Shoes boring. Jewelry sad. I need combat boots and I need plastic around my neck and on my ears.

I have never before felt so uncomfortable. I'm more likely to bite someone's head off at school then the Vampires by now. Oh right school. I'm late and I haven't even been though her makeup dame it!

I'm glad there are pop tarts for I am able to eat them on the way. I end up speeding as much as I can with the sad truck to get to school with enough time to do some make up inside. Oh and that's a really stupid thing to do because I'm not really suppose to drive. Somehow I survive and get to school.

Alright ignoring the eyes this face can be lovely if the girl knew how to do make up. Or had any make up as the case turned out. She had lip gloss, but it was the child cotton candy brand better just to go without. People were staring to arrive and I spotted the Cullen's car. It was pretty. I'm just as bad about cars as Bella, but it was pretty.

It also made me think if Edward still fell in love with Bella which I would make very hard for him because he's an awful boyfriend; I needed to remember to play up how much I wanted to get rid of my truck. Unlike Bella I wouldn't mind if he got me a car. I like gifts and really if Edward could be trained I wouldn't mind the life of a beautiful rich vampire. Now that is something to consider.

Okay I thought as I went to fine the lady who would give me my schedule, on this training idea. Everyone knows before you began to train your pet vampire first you need to make sure they don't kill you. So…I had no idea what to do. In fact I wore a v neck today which showed a lot of neck and was kind of stupid. I barley heard the woman talk to me as she gave me a map and my schedule. What do I do when Edward starts out being a bastard? Bella lived by doing nothing, but when I get nervous I talk. Oh dear. I'm going to call him an Anne Rice wannabe and he's going to eat me. That sucks.

There are many ways this can go, I thought as I began walking randomly around hoping to find my first class. I can A) be just like Bella and kill myself in a few weeks, B) I can be a complete Bitch and hope he will hate, but not kill me, C) I can make shit up as I go and hope I don't die and maybe get a new car out of this? Or D) I can just try to get home and ignore the vampires everywhere.

D) Defiantly D. Of course I might be able to have some fun too. If I am stuck here it would be great to have a chance to mess with the vamps heads. Especially the mind reader and seer. So maybe a combo of C and D?

I found my classes. I met Jessica aka The Prep. Mike aka The Puppy. Angela aka The Nice girl. And Eric aka the Nerd. I was soon to meet Laura aka The Bitch at lunch. I was getting a bit frustrated to tell you the truth as despite my best efforts I had yet to make friends with someone outside of this sad circle of people. I blamed this on Jessica gluing herself to me. My kind of people stayed away from the dreaded preps so I would have to do something soon and fast to become distanced from her.

Lunch I had pizza. Jessica dragged me to her table and talked. I scanned the lunch room for super library nerds, Jessica talked. I failed. Artist? Cool loners? Fail. Jessica talked. You know it wasn't so bad really because my favorite people normal blended into other groups and I would have to search for them. However there had to be someone somewhere that I could escape Jessica's voice. Despite I turned to Gothic, wannabe Punk, and flat out Emo. I wasn't any of those things, but I could make myself accepted fairly quickly. I also took a moment to hate myself for looking for stereotypes, but then I justified myself because Twilight was nothing but stereotypes.

I was frowning and scanning the room over and over trying to fine just one real person in this sea of Stephen Myer's trash when Jessica said something about the Cullens.

"What?"

"The people you were staring at those were the Cullens."

"I was staring at the girl wherein pink with a Harry Potter book wandering if it would be worth the evil of the color pink to strike up a conversation about literature."

She leaned close to me to import gossip.

"Don't bother. They're all together except for Edward. He doesn't date."

I refused to look at them.

"Maybe he's gay if he never dates? Ever think of that?"

Her eyes about popped out.

"Bella!"

"Jessica!"

She calmed down and deiced to ignore my comment.

"Well they all moved here about a year ago from Alaska."

"Did I ask?"

"They're adopted-

"Okay."

"Ms. Cullen can't have children."

"How is that my concern?"

"Well they live together!" Her tone shocked and scandalize.

"Well I don't care!" My tone also shocked and scandalize.

"Oh hey look! That girl I was staring at put a jacket on over the pink. It must be sign from the great god Jupiter that I should leave you now. So sorry. I'm very religious and must run. Goodbye!"

I just had a thought. That Angela girl was a preacher's daughter. I bet I offend her. I know I offend Jessica and I most likely offended everyone at that table because I'm just that good at pissing people off. Oh well it's not like I'm losing much they weren't real people anyway. They were boring book people that never had a hope of making it to main character. It does make a person lonely however.

Alright Pink girl let's see if you can fill the gapping friend void I am feeling right now. If you can't I'll go though every person in the dame school until I find a descent human bean to befriend so MUWHAHAHA!

You know I don't think being trapped in a book is good for my mental health.


	3. Dun Dun DUN

I'm really happy about all my reviews and I'm really getting into this!

Last time on the Twilight hater, dun…dun…dun!

_Alright Pink girl let's see if you can fill the gapping friend void I am feeling right now. If you can't I'll go though every person in the dame school until I find a descent human bean to befriend so MUWHAHAHA!_

_You know I don't think being trapped in a book is good for my mental health._

Let's call this chapter…dun…dun…dun!

Dun…dun…dun!

In my head I label this moment as The Great Escape, because I was escaping from Jessica now if I live past Biology I will refer to that moment as The Greater Escape. Just so we're clear in case some idiot decides to narrate my life. It is possible I suppose as I'm in Twilight for there to be another world where my life is a book in which case I will make sure it is a whole lot better than Twilight.

"That's nice to know, but you're breathing my air?" The words where said in a too sweet, but questing tone which gave the impression in my mind that most people should ran for there lives.

"Well shit." How much of that did I say out loud? Oh and I made it to the pink girl's table and she's the one that is talking.

I shall now take a moment to describe the girl. She was skinny as in super duper skinny like a twig, but she had a large tray of food that showed signs that she did eat so she must be a natural skinny person and not have an eating disorder. After I get over that I notice she has long stringy hair that can't deice if it is blond or brown. Green cat like eyes that are very cool and just a bit creepy. A weird face that isn't very attractive. It's weird her face has combined high cheek bones with a large flat nose. And if anyone cares her pink shirt had a picture of a cat on it.

"If I had only seen your name on the air I'm sure I wouldn't have made such a horrible mistake so please forgive me. I don't suppose you would mind horribly if I sat here to escape the foul gossip queen of whose name appears to be Jessica?" I used my best shit eating grin and her scary smile seemed to turn to slight genuine amusement.

"Very well minion, but you shall sit and you shall shut up." Okay? Was she human or just a bit odd? Did it matter? No actually because it sounded like something I would have said and really fucking lonely. I salute her. I'm certain with her help I can make a powerful crazy person bubble around myself that evil creatures like Jessica's cannot enter.

"Sir yes Sir! Can I know your name first?"

"No. Shush minion." She went back to her book.

I dug though my bag to get my own book, remembered I need to go book shopping so grappled a notebook instead so that I could doodle. The girl across from me must have noticed my expression for she commented on my doddle.

"I would go with a spork."

"But I've never been threaten with a spork, just a spoon."

"You can stab and shovel with a spork."

"True."

"I could threaten you with a spork if you like."

"Thank you! That's very sweet. Do you have a spork on you?"

"No."

"Dame. Oh that's the bell. Good by oh nameless one."

"It's Mary."

"Really?"

"Yes. Shut up."

I went to my next class and was so distracted by Mary that I forgot about my doom. I was thinking that lunch went well and I was still contemplated my picture of removing Fake Luna's eyes with a spoon when I heard a kind of gay musical voice.

"Hello."

I looked up and I tried very hard to not do my happy dance. Because I was one of the few people that hated the way Robert Patterson looked. I thought he was butt ugly and he was not the way the book described him at all. And I was fucking right! Edward did not look like Robert Pattyson! He had bronze hair not blond. It was styled, but did not ignore gravity. And! He did not have the ugly square chin!

Whoohoo! I was right! It's my birthday! Oh yeah!

…He's staring at me….I didn't say that out loud right... Right?

"Hi!" I chirped in a perky tone. However it seemed he had breathed in and was thinking about eating me so was very tense.

The class was pure torture. There were so many comments that would get me killed. Thank you Jupiter that he can't read my mind! Thank you!

This is what I was thinking.

_Yes I don't think breathing is healthy either, but you're much better at not doing so then I am._

_You know you're kind of tense?_

_Do I smell bad? Are you mad at me? Am I delicious and nutritious? _

_You know you have a homicidal aura about you._

_MUST NOT BE SUICDALE_

_Are you gay? Your pretty and you don't date so I think you're gay. _

_Hi I'm Isabel! I was sucked into a book about Vampires!_

_Hi! Hello! What's up? Why are you looking at me like that! Helloooo!_

And that was just my thought through the first 15 minutes of class. So yeah. I'm goanna die. Any moment now. Any second I will open my mouth and….

"You have really cool eyes. Are they contacts?"

Edward gave me the best Glare of Doom I've ever seen. Why is it when a vampire looks at me like he hates my guts I not only don't feel fear, but I open my mouth again?

"Dang! Bad day?"

"I really don't think whatever happened was my fault."

"Good Lord! If looks could kill."

I fall silent then, but it did not last.

"Would it help if I said I was sorry?"

"Yes? No? I know you aren't mute."

Then he hissed at me! I mean he not only was he glaring at me, but now he hissed at me! Now was not a good time to become outraged, but I never did have the best timing.

"Don't you hiss at me!" It took a lot of self control not to mimic a black friend of mine back home. I picked up habits easily you see and this statement really seemed to need that finger waving and outraged neck roll, but man I looked so stupid when I did that that time at her parent's house. The whole family laughed and made fun of me for hours. Good times. I miss my friends and my family and now I'm tearing up.

"Is there a problem?" asked the teacher bring attention to me almost in tears and Edward looking like he wanted to kill me.

"Can I go to the restroom?" Shit I sound like I'm about to cry. This is one of the few times that it is acceptable to run out of the classroom without waiting for permission and staying gone for awhile. The other is when you're about to puke. I hear him give permission as I am walking out the door.

Now why did he have to do that? Hiss at me and make me mad and make me think. God dame it! I miss my mom and my little brother and my friends. I have to get home. I want to go home.

Now understand that I when people see me hurt and or crying I get pissed off. So here I am morning because who the hell knows when I will ever see my loved ones again and guess who that stupid ass teacher sends to check on me? Jessica.

I made up for my lack of self control by not hitting Jessica in the face. Instead I told her in no uncertain terms to fuck off and I skipped the rest of the day.

I felt better in my truck as away from this make believe world as I could currently get. I drove home and fried fish for Charlie and put it in the fridge. Thank goodness I could cook. Then I wrote a note saying I had forgot a few things at home and was going shopping for both those things and groceries.

I was glad I had a decent amount of money. Now I do not believe you have to drive to Seattle to find anything descent. Thrift stores here I come! Now everyone knows the smaller and shitter the town the better the thrift stores. Black jeans and funny T shirts oh yeah! Huge bag of jeans and a half a dozen shirts $6:50 people. Oh yeah! I can spread out money like you wouldn't believe. Going to Port Angles to be almost raped. As if! I even found a few of the awesome pink bunny T shirts. The only times pink is okay is when it's on a black shirt saying things like, 'I don't think I'm better then you I know I am.' And other really cool lines.

I would like to point out that Thrift stores do have book sections. I found the second and filth Harry Potter book and The Shining by Stephen King. $3.50 for all of them. I found a large beat up pocket book that was so much better then Bella's. Some plastic jewelry, a CD case, jewelry box, and some combat boots. I am good!

I go the gas station to grab a candy bar as I didn't eat the dinner I made Charlie and I get a super cheep phone. I go ahead and get the unlimited minutes for a year deal, but it cost like 90 dollars even though I have no one to call right now. It is not right for a teenager to not have a cell phone. It's just fucking wrong people!

Food store next. I pick up hair dye and make up as well as food. Then it's 'home'. I suppose I'll have to ask Charlie about my hair. At least I won't have to worry about Edward for two weeks.

However I want to make this very clear that I am not going to ignore my life until he gets back. I am going to befriend Mary and I'm going to somehow weird out Alice. That's my plan. I shall not, no matter what skip the next two weeks.


	4. Edward Free

Hello! I've been getting a lot of people wondering who Bell will end up with. Well I'm not going to tell you! Mostly because I haven't deiced yet.

I will however ask you what you all think and I might repeat might actually give a crap what you think.

Choices

Edward: In which he learns not to be a dumbass.

Jasper: In which Alice must somehow not be pissed off b/c I love Alice.

Jacob: In which…um… I really don't know what I would do with that.

James: In which no one would see coming, but I would have to make up a reason for him not to kill her.

Laurent: In which is the same as James.

Someone from Volturi? I actually like that idea, but with whom?

Two weeks of Edward free Awesomeness!

Brrrrrret!

Ahh-oh-shit!

Beep!

See how much better alarms from cell phones are? Nothing destroyed at all. So Hah!

Now let's get on some real clothes. Black jeans and Pink bunny T-Shirt saying 'I laugh at your pain' I'll ware this shirt when Edward gets back too. A thought! When he gets back he will have deiced not to kill me so I'll be able to piss him off even more! That's probably not a good thing.

Combat boots. Stupid bright blue fake stone necklace that matches nothing, but gives me personality. I have matching ear rings, but I haven't pierced these ears yet. Now I remember a movie where some girls pierced their ears with a needle, ice cube, and an apple slice, but…I'm not into pain. I don't have a fear needles, but I think I'll waste funds on getting someone else to do it anyway.

Real make up, but not too much and damn I look good! Amazing the power of eyeliner.

Day one of being free of Edward Cullen.

Today at school I was cornered by puppy also known as Mike.

"What did you do stab Cullen with a pencil?"

"No." I sighed; it would have been so awesome if I had.

"But I really really wanted to."

"Why is that?"

"Because my pencils talk to me and nag me about how I don't give them enough human flesh."

That was satisfying. All that trouble with Mike in the book and all she had to do say something like that to get him to leave her alone. He's face was priceless. I was not the only that thought so for I heard laughter behind me.

"Hi Mary."

"Don't call me that."

"What should I call you then?"

"How about your Lord and Master?"

"No. I will however call you My Liege if you protect me from Jessica and if someone asks I can tell them I'm helping you take over the world."

"That works."

"I didn't know you were in my first class, My Liege. How lovely."

"Yes minion it is."

On the way to lunch in the hall.

"Bella! Hey Bella!"

"Save me My Liege! I'm too young for my ears to fall off!"

"Run minion! I cannot save yee until I get my lunch box from the locker!"

I ran. I ran into Alice. Almost into Alice. I ran at Alice and she step sided while I tried to step aside first, but she was faster and I tripped on a shoelace from my boots. So I fell on my face in front of Alice. Jessica was closing in. I tried to hide behind Alice.

"Save me from the gossip vampire!" Did I really say that? Yes I did. To Alice the vampire? Yes, yes I did. Shit cakes.

I noticed that Alice was a bit tense as I stood behind her ducking low and standing way to close for a vampire's comfort. I wonder if she was having a really hard time controlling herself or if my words though her off. Jessica went past without seeing me and I started to thank Alice when I saw that she had a really far off look on her face which made me guess she was having a vision.

She snapped out of it looking very bewildered as if she didn't know if she should be alarmed or laugh. I spoke up before she could.

"Hey thanks a lot. That Jessica girl scares the living shit out of me. Oh Hey! Your Edwards sister! Could you tell him I'm sorry about whatever he's mad at me for? I don't know why he's mad but he was being a complete jerk yesterday and if I didn't do anything then he owes me. Asshole made me cry you know. Of course that wasn't really his fault he reminded me of something that upset me. But still…"

I had managed to link arms with Alice in the beginning of my speech and start to force her to walk with me. I think I only managed this because she was so shocked that I would actually do that. She pulled away quickly, but I continued talking and walking as if I hadn't noticed. As we were going in the same direction she had to walk with me.

She looked so confused. Amused, but uncertain about what the hell was going on.

"Oh and he hissed at me. Why did he hiss at me? It's rude to hiss at people."

"Alice." Enter The Voice of Doom. Ah. I was wondering where the others were. Rosaline was the one speaking of course. I deiced to flee.

"Well I hear My Liege calling. Later Alice! Don't be a stranger!" I flashed a million watt smile at Alice, Rosaline, Jasper, and Emmett and swiftly left to find My Liege.

It was easy to see the only way to one up the vampires was to do something completely unexpected. So for two weeks that is exactly what I did. How did I do it? Well talking a lot and not letting anyone else really speck worked like a charm. Also they were used to humans avoiding contact and not jabbering at them. There is nothing better than a vampire What The Fuck face.

Let's see what else happened those two weeks. Well there was the sleepover with My Liege, I dyed my hair, and I stalked Alice in school. I can almost call us friends now. I might have put gum in Jessica's hair. I might have made Rosaline develop an even deeper hatred for me then Bella. I believe this because she had taken every opportunity to try out the Glare of Doom she took from Edward. I ran into Jasper three times. Twice when I was talking to Alice, and once when I asked him if he had seen my epically awesome Annie Rice book. I ran into Emmett five times. We had three conversations, one of which was an argument, one was about Edward, and one was…weird. The other times he laughed at me.

So there you go. Two happy weeks without Edward that I did not skip over. At all. I was very detailed. Well the first day was detailed, but damn it I can use flashbacks for that other stuff and I summarized the rest nicely. If an idiot writes this shit down it will be a hell of a lot better than Twilight! Maybe I should blog? It's a thought…


	5. Flashbacks

Wow. I am getting a lot of reviews. Now that I have asked no one seems to be giving me opinions on whom if anyone Bell should be with. Don't make me delay this story! I expect answers to my questions! Never forget in this fanfic I am the god Jupiter and I can make her fall down a well in the Inuyasha world or get sucked into a Harry Potter one at anytime! Not that I would do that, but I will threaten you all with sporks!

Flashbacks **or** Building the anticipation **or** Conversations, hair dye, and Emmett.

It had been too late to dye my hair the night I came back from my wonderful shopping trip so I had to wait the next day.

"Hey Ch-Dad? Are you morally against me dyeing my hair?"

"What? You want to dye your hair?" The man sounded so confused like brown hair was so desirable or something.

"Yes. I do. I really want to dye it neon green, but it's not a great idea for a cop's kid to look like a punk so I was thinking a mostly natural red."

"Umm… well I don't know what brought this on. I like your hair, but if you want to dye it it's your hair. Umm…you wouldn't really dye it green…would you?" He looked so frighten at the idea that I had to burst out laughing.

"No Dad I like purple much more then green. I just wanted you to know there are worst colors then red. Thanks for not making a big deal out it. Love you!" I hugged him, he sputtered, and I went up stairs.

It was so easy to make the man speechless. He did not react normally to affection. I guess he was so used to being alone. It's really sad how Bella was a complete ass to her dad. Charlie does not get enough credit at all.

Anyway next school day.

"What did you do to your hair?"

"You dyed your hair?"

"Why did you dye your hair Bella?"

Why do any of them think it is their business? If one more person comments on my hair…

"Minion, your hair, it is the color of spilled blood. Me likes it."

"Thank you My Liege at least someone has taste."

"Indeed. Minion?"

"Yes My Liege?"

"Weekend is approaching."

"It is isn't it."

"At some point we must meet and discuss our plans to take over the world."

"Yes we must! Maybe I could get my dad to let me have a sleepover. We could watch horror movies and have an epic Spork battle."

"Spork battle! It shall be awesomely cool!"

"Indeed it shall My Liege, it shall!"

In the hall trying to get to my 3rd class

I was singing.

"Spork battle, Spork battle we're going to have a Spork battle. Lalala La!"

And there coming from the other direction and starting at me was Emmett. Of course I had to do something stupid for the fun of it so I did some very poor moon walking and some head bobbing while I increased my volume.

"Because… killing people with sporks….are just so freaking awesome! Lalala La!"

It was then that Emmett scared the shit out of everyone by bursting into a huge roaring laugh at my cool stupidness. Everyone seemed to take a step back from the muscular man who had a rather inhuman laugh. As the students moved out of his way I saw that Rosaline was with him and giving me yet another Glare of Doom! I smiled and waved at them. Wow…she increased it to the Ultimate Glare of Doom!

As I go to my next class I can't believe I just did that, but hell it was fun. And that is why I am better then Bella, because I am not afraid to input humor into a bad situation. Yeah the vampires could eat me and I might never get home, but I shall not be depressed and I shall certainly not be shy doing so would just make me miserable.

In Gym

"Hey Bella."

"Hello Pu-Mike. I thought I scared you away from me?"

"Umm…listen some people are getting a group together to go down to La Push beach in a few weeks."

"Oh…right."

"Well do you think you might go?"

"Err…sure! But I'm driving my truck and I will follow you there. And I'm bring my flesh eating pencils so don't get fresh with me."

Then we went our separate ways because I had grabbed Angela as my partner on the first day. Now I'm not very athletic and I hate gym, however I am not a threat to others and I am determined to do well in this class just so I can be better then Bella. We didn't when, but I did score two points. So there I'm better. Ha

On another note. I had no plans on dealing with Jacob, but I am interested in seeing what he looks like. Also it will give me a reason for how I figured out that Edward was a vampire.

Let's skip to the weekend and the sleepover!

"Hey Charlie! I have a Bff! Can I have a sleepover?"

"I'm glad you're making friends. I don't see why not. Who is she?"

"Names Mary. I forgot her last name. Thanks Dad!" He looked uncomfortable.

"You're welcome….err when is she coming over?"

"I'll call her and see. Do you mind if we order pizza?"

"That's fine."

"Thanks!" I take out my cell and dial her number.

"Remember to do your homework! When did you get a phone?"

Arrival

"Hi!"

"Hey!"

"You're here!"

"I am!"

"I have the sporks!"

"I have Sweeny Todd!"

"Awesome!"

2 Spork fights, 1 movie, and a pizza later.

"Would you believe me if I said I was at school and a creepy girl started glowing and sent me into a book where I became Bella who was the main character and she fell in love with Edward who was a Vampire?"

"Would you believe if I said I came from the moon and shoot rainbows out of my ass?"

I must look disappointed because she pats my head and says in a kind voice.

"Don't worry we're all a little crazy and if you believe it I'll believe you."

"Thanks."

"…"

"…"

"Want to watch 'A very Musical Potter' on YouTube?"

"Hell yes."


	6. Return of the Gay Musical Voice

Hello fans! Why has it taken me awhile to write? Because 1) I just didn't feel like it and 2) I forgot I sold my copy of Twilight at a trade lot so now I had to find it online and use that.

Anywho here's…..Eddy boy!

Oh and now that I need to look at the book to remember stuff I will be putting some stuff that happens in the books in italics, if it's something I'm not going to change. There shouldn't be much of that.

Please tell me how I do with Edward! I hope nothing is out of character!

Return of the Gay Musical Voice.

Ponderings as I walk out of Lit Class

Oh how I had enjoyed my two weeks of freedom from the possibility of being eaten from a vampire stalker that has a crush on me or will until he talks to me that is, unless he really is that shallow and only fell in love with Bella because he couldn't read her mind….but anyway all good things come to an end.

And so it was that when I saw the first awesome snow flake and heard Puppy point out the obvious I knew.

"Wow, it's snowing,"

"No…I thought it was raining meatballs."

As I was stared at with a WTF face from Mike, I knew that Edward Cullen would be at lunch and I knew that it would be even harder to resist stabbing him with my pencil. I could hear their pencily voices calling out for vampire flesh. Wait. Vampire flesh would break my pencils.

Skipping the snowball fight in which I completely owned Puppy, because my dislike of sports does not included one were you get to throw ice in people's faces and put it down there shirts. So skipping that I went to lunch.

Lunch

"My Liege!" I said as I sat next to her at lunch ignoring the Cullens.

"Yes minion?"

"My pencils…they are suicidal."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"What shall we do?"

"I don't know! Dun dun dunnn!"

"You do know you're not supposed to make your own the Dun Dun Dun sounds? You're supposed to make someone else do it?"

"But you're the only one hear and you didn't do it! It all your fault!"

"Edward's starting at you, the one you think is-"

I slap my hand to her mouth.

"Shushy! And think of meatballs!"

"Meatballs?"

"Meatballs."

Biology. Will I survive? I don't know.

I forgot to groan with everyone else as we saw the snow was gone because I was contemplating my doom. I walked into Biology contemplating my doom and I sat and waited for the doom to come.

"Hello," said a quiet, still very gay musical voice.

I looked up and raised my eyebrows in a 'oh now you're not going to be an ass type of look.'

He was sitting as far away from me as the desk allowed, but his chair was angled toward me. His hair was dripping wet, disheveled. Stupidly enough he looked like he'd just finished shooting a commercial for hair gel. His dazzling face which I was certain would not be so dazzling when he was attacked by that five year old with the glitter was friendly, open, a slight smile on his flawless lips. But his eyes were careful.

"My name is Edward Cullen," he continued. "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."

Alright here was my chance to win him over and have my personal vampire pet on a leash. If only I could stop the irritation that his words caused.

"I would say it's nice to meet you, but it's not. You had plenty of chance to introduce yourself but you were too busy hissing at me!" So there I told him! Err I thought I was going to be nice? Oh well.

He seemed taking aback for some reason.

"I apologize for my actions the first time we met. It didn't have anything to do with you."

What a lie. He frowned.

"And I assure you I did not hiss."

Another lie.

"Yes you did."

"I did not hiss. I was irritated and I did not mean to offend you." It seemed like he was still irritated. I wonder why?

"You did hiss, you did offend me, and I'll forgive as soon as you admit that you ware contacts."

"I, What?"

_Thankfully, Mr. Banner started class at that moment. I tried to concentrate as he explained the lab we would be doing today. The slides in the box were out of order. Working as lab partners, we had to separate the slides of onion root tip cells into the phases of mitosis they represented and label them accordingly. We weren't supposed to use our books. In twenty minutes, he would be coming around to see who had it right._

_"Get started," he commanded._

"Ladies first, partner?" Edward asked still looking rather befuddled.

"Sure why not, but I have no clue how to do this." So I was failing most of my classes do to refusing to care about grades in an alternate reality, so what?

I snapped the first slide into place under the microscope and adjusted it quickly to the 40X objective. I studied the slide briefly.

"Well it's either prophase or the one that starts with an A. I think its Prophase." I slid it to him without being asked because I was going by what I very barely remembered from both Twilight and school therefore I could accepted that he would know better than me.

_"Prophase," he agreed, writing it neatly in the first space on our worksheet. He swiftly switched out the first slide for the second, and then glanced at it cursorily._

_"Anaphase," he murmured, writing it down as he spoke._

"Can I look?" I asked for the hell of it.

_He smirked and pushed the microscope to me._

_I looked through the eyepiece eagerly, only to be disappointed. _I still had no idea what the stuff was.

" Next?" I turned to him expectantly. He handed it to me and our hands brushed. They were cold as ice cream and I received a minor electric shook. I jerked my hand in surprise and they began to shake it and stared at it because I love making a big deal out of nothing.

"I'm sorry." He said as dropped the slide into my hand after I stopped shaking it.

"You're sorry because you do not have the super power to control static electricity?" Sarcasm dripped from my words.

"I'm not forgiving you until you tell me where you got the awesome contacts."

I just can't let things go can I?

He stared at me and kept staring at me so I looked at the slide.

"Hmm….oh…ah…I see. Hmm…oh…it's a blob on a slide that will most likely end in phase. Using my awesomeness I shall guess that it is interphase or you know it could be the lunch room's mystery meat one or the other."

He had the most puzzled frustrated look on his face. I snorted and looked away. This was so fun!

_I passed him the microscope before he could ask for it. He took a swift peek, and then wrote it down. I would have written it while he looked, but his clear, elegant _girly _script intimidated me. I didn't want to spoil the page with my clumsy scrawl. _It really was horrible.

_We were finished before anyone else was close. I could see Mike and his partner comparing two slides again and again, and another group had their book open under the table._

_Which left me with nothing to do but try to not look at him_ or talk to him_… unsuccessfully. I glanced up, and he was staring at me, that same inexplicable look of frustration in his eyes._

"So….want to tell me about your contacts?"

"No as I don't ware contacts."

"Ok everyone in your family has eyes that switch from a weird looking brown to a weird looking black. Unless you all are really related and your siblings are participating in insists than you ware contacts."

He tensed and stared at me again. He didn't say anything.

_I looked down. His hands were clenched into hard fists again._

_Mr. Banner came to our table then, to see why we weren't working. He looked over our shoulders to glance at the completed lab, and then stared more intently to check the answers._

_"So, Edward, didn't you think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?" Mr. Banner asked._

_"Bella," Edward corrected automatically. "Actually, she identified three of the five."_

_Mr. Banner looked at me now; his expression was skeptical._

_"Have you done this lab before?" he asked._

"Nope. I'm really good at guessing."

Mr. Banner did not look pleased. "I see." He still looked skeptical, but he left.

Edward deiced to pretend I wasn't a loon and say something normal.

"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" Edward asked. I found it interesting that he wasn't really looking me. He actually seemed a bit nervous. Ha ha ha! I make vampires nervous even though they could eat me. Ha ha, that really isn't very funny.

"Horrible. I had so much fun shoving Mike into that yellow snow."

He let out a surprise laugh.

"You what?"

"Mike can't take a hint so I thought if he insists on basking in my noninterested glow he should not suffer, but he shouldn't be encouraged either."

He shook his head in disbelief. I grinned at him.

"So you like it here?"

"Err…well no. It's a lot better than I thought it would be and I rather like the green and the climate. It's the people here that make me cringe, well not My Liege."

"What do you mean by the people here and why do you call that girl My Liege?" I could tell he had been dying to ask me why I call her that the whole day.

"Wasn't expecting this many Preps, Bitches, and Boy whores." Edward made a strange choking sound.

"I wasn't expecting to be stalked so much either. It's very annoying." I stared at him and he tried not to look like the kid with his hand in the cookie jar.

"I was talking about Mike and other idiots stalking me around school, but you have a very guilty air about you." I made a show of studying him and made my eyebrows move suggestively. Oh god was I flirting? Hell no! I shall not flirt! Never! No! I didn't say that out loud right?

I cut him off before he could defend himself.

"As far as calling 'that girl' who I'm surprised you know who that is you've only been to school for two days, My Liege, well…I just do." I smiled in an 'I know something you don't know' way which must have been very annoying for a mind reading Vampire.

He sighed and tiled his head as he looked me. His weird looking eyes showing amusement and deep frustration.

"What are you thinking?" He whispered. I don't think I was supposed to hear it.

"About the prize of rice in China of course and I'm trying to remember that song about a meatball. What are you thinking?"

He seemed to think deeply about my words

"I'm thinking I've never met anyone quite like you."

"That's a pretty cheesy pick up line."

" I wasn't using a-"

Mr. Banner called the class to order and I grinned at Edward. I couldn't help it. I could feel the adrenaline in my veins from baiting a Vampire. The conversation was so different then Bella's. He wasn't too much of an ass right now really and he was kind of cute. Of course I could not fall in love with a book character! That would be horrible! But while I'm here I can certainly enjoy myself. Can't I? Just a little?


	7. Car Crash

Hello my friends! Been awhile yes? Yes. So same excuses as always. Didn't feel like writing and it's so annoying to have to look up the book online when I want to write.

Oh and please bear with me in this chapter I had to use a lot of the Twilight book. Make sure you read though that part too or you'll miss where I inserted Bells thoughts. Anyways here's the next chappy!

Teenage ramblings

Alright it is not my fault. It isn't! I was distracted damn it! Think of my situation from a moment here. I am inside a book, but it doesn't feel like I'm in a book. It's not one quick thing after another. It's not wake up appear at school, appear at lunch, appear at home then repeat. Seconds go by and they go slowly. I have to walk places and drive places and I go to the bathroom and stub my toe and all that everyday normal things that they don't tell you happens in a book, but it happens to me.

So it's hard to think of where morals come in. I mean everyone around me are book characters right? So it really doesn't matter if they all drop dead right? Right…but I'm friends with Mary and Edward is an interesting fake person as are the other Cullens just because it's fun to see how they react. Of course it's not life or death that I was thinking about. I have too weak of a stomach to go around killing people.

Its friendships, leading people on romantically, possibly having a relationship with someone here just for fun, but then not letting myself fall in love. Thing is with my luck things would go great I would pick someone to date and fall in love with them and then BOOM I'd be back in my world. As I really do want to go home it will be much better if I stay away from any possible love interest.

Of course these thoughts had nothing to do with Edward at all. Well sort of, but mostly just about my behavior. I love to tease people and I find talking to Edward to be very funny so it could come off as flirting and it's really not, but he is better looking than in the movie and I love supernatural stuff. So the point being I need to watch myself. I will get home and I will be very happy when I do. Nothing especially any relationships with fake people will get in the way of that.

So you see I had a lot of deep thoughts when I when home after talking to Edward and they cared somewhat unto the next day so it really wasn't my fault I forgot about the car crash.

Car crash? Oh that car crash!

Lets start with waking up shall we?

_When I opened my eyes in the morning, something was different._

_It was the light. It was still the gray-green light of a cloudy day in the forest, but it was clearer somehow. I realized there was no fog veiling my window._

_I jumped up to look outside, and then _jumped for joy!

_A fine layer of snow covered the yard, dusted the top of my truck, and whitened the road. But that wasn't the _best_ part. All the rain from yesterday had frozen solid - coating the needles on the trees in fantastic, gorgeous patterns, and making the driveway a deadly ice slick._

Ok so the deadly ice slick part wasn't so cool, but I was confident that I would triumph!

Looking back I don't know how I didn't remember what would happen. I even noticed the tires before I got in the truck to go school! I am not blond either as myself or Bella, but I know now what it feels like to be blond…The Horror! The Pain! The Blondness!

So I woke up, had breakfast, got in my car, drove to school, arrived at school, and then…Disaster!

I got out of the car, but I forgot my purse inside. Of all the stupid things to do. I was out and about to close my door when I realized I had left my purse on the floor of the passenger's seat of the truck. Now I had a choice little did I know it was between pain and not being in pain. I could have climbed back into the truck and got my purse and then got of said car and went inside to school, but no I didn't want to climb back into my truck so instead I shut the door and started to walk around my truck to get to the other side to get my purse.

Stupid or rather Fate is a fucking bitch!

I had just reached the back corner of the truck when I felt a great amount of emending doom and I heard an odd sound.

_It was a high-pitched screech, and it was fast becoming painfully loud. I looked up, startled._

_I saw several things simultaneously. Nothing was moving in slow motion, the way it does in the movies. Instead, the adrenaline rush seemed to make my brain work much faster, and I was able to absorb in clear detail several things at once._

_Edward Cullen was standing four cars down from me, staring at me in horror. His face stood out from a sea of faces, all frozen in the same mask of shock._

_But of more immediate importance was the dark blue van that was skidding, tires locked and squealing against the brakes, spinning wildly across the ice of the parking lot. It was going to hit the back corner of my truck, and I was standing between them._

I shouldn't have had time to even close my eyes, but unlike Bella I hadn't been standing still looking at tries I was already in motion when I before heard that sound. I didn't stop when I heard it I only turned my head. I put extra force behind my right foot that was already pushing my other foot forward. My left leg moved a bit farther than it would have. My arm followed the motion of my body and I was able to raise it slightly while trying to duck my head. It didn't work, but I am very proud of my small movements that prove I'm better than Bella who couldn't even blink in that time.

Just before my mouth had time to form the u in "Fuck!"_something hit me, hard, but not from the direction I was expecting. My head cracked against the icy blacktop, and I felt something solid and cold pinning me to the ground._

"Fuck!" I barely managed to gasp out.

_I was lying on the pavement behind the tan car I'd parked next to. But I didn't have a chance to notice anything else, because the van was still coming. It had curled gratingly around the end of the truck and, still spinning and sliding, was about to collide with me __again__._

_A low oath made me aware that someone was with me, and the voice was impossible not to recognize. Two long, white hands shot out protectively in front of me, and the van shuddered to a stop a foot from my face, the large hands fitting providentially into a deep dent in the side of the van's body._

"Double fuck!" My lips formed the words and I might have whispered them, but I was a bit lost for breath as I almost died.

_Then his hands moved so fast they blurred. One was suddenly gripping under the body of the van, and something was dragging me, swinging my legs around like a rag doll's, till they hit the tire of the tan car. A groaning metallic thud hurt my ears, and the van settled, glass popping, onto the asphalt - exactly where, a second ago, my legs had been._

_It was absolutely silent for one long second before the screaming began. In the abrupt bedlam, I could hear more than one person shouting my name. But more clearly than all the yelling, I could hear Edward Cullen's low, frantic voice in my ear._

_"Bella? Are you all right?"_

" Ho-l-y Helll….What?" _My voice sounded strange. I tried to sit up, and realized he was holding me against the side of his body in an iron grasp._

"Are you alright? I think you hit your head pretty hard."

"Oh. I'm fine. Your shoulders? They left dents in the car." I sounded a bit dazed. He froze and I realized he was still holding me.

"No they didn't. The only dents on there are from crashing into your truck."

"Ow! My head! Why did you have to slam my head into the ground?" A delayed reaction to pain I suppose.

"See you're just confused because you hit your head." He tried to sound reassuring and he failed.

_I turned to sit up, and this time he let me, releasing his hold around my waist and sliding as far from me as he could in the limited space. I looked at his concerned, innocent expression and was _amazed that he could look like that while trying to bullshit someone.

"I'm not confused, you were really far away too. What the hell are you superman?"

_And then they found us, a crowd of people with tears streaming down their faces, shouting at each other, shouting at us._

_"Don't move," someone instructed._

_"Get Tyler out of the van!" someone else shouted._

_There was a flurry of activity around us. I tried to get up, but Edward's cold hand pushed my shoulder down._

_"Just stay put for now."_

_"But _I don't wanna._" I complained._

_It surprised me when he chuckled under his breath. There was an edge to the sound._

_"You were over there," I _spoke_ suddenly, and his chuckle stopped short. "You were by your car."_

_His expression turned hard. "No, I wasn't."_

_"_Oh yes you were_." All around us was chaos. I could hear the gruffer voices of adults arriving on the scene. But I obstinately held on to our argument; I was right, and _I wasn't really thinking too straight.

_"Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way." He unleashed the full, devastating power of his eyes on me, as if trying to communicate something crucial._

"You are a liar."

_The gold in his eyes blazed. "Please, Bella."_

See Vampires can be trained. Begging instead of demanding is good for Edward.

"Alright, but I will figure this shit out. And I will continue to bug you about it too." I pouted and he looked angry.

Long story short I was loaded into an ambulance with a neck brace. I waved at the students starting at me and reassured my fake father I was fine. I entertained myself on the way to the hospital by making faces at Edward and muttering strange things under my breath that I know he could here.  
>(I don't like this chapter. I had to use way too much of the book. I'll work extra hard to make her hospital stay interesting.)<p>

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	8. Not the Hospital!

Hey what's up? It's hard to a funny story when you're depressed, but I'll try.

Let me know if it was funny.

Hospital! AAHHHHHH!

So on the way to the hospital I should have thought about what I was going to say, but….I was a little bit distracted.

One my head fucking hurt and two I AM SO STUPID!

How could I have let this happen! How! I almost got killed because of a book. Death by book, put that on my tombstone.

I hear the police sirens and I know my fake daddy will be freaking out. On the other hand I am getting out of school. Maybe My Liege will visit and she can come home with me so we can plot World Domination!

I believe I said something about muttering things in the ambulance? Yes? Yes and I most like said things such as: Stupid, Death by book, and World Domination! So that would explain why Edward is looking at me weird as long as I don't say anything about Vampires I should be alright.

Anyway I was taken to the emergency room and I kept the neck thing on because unlike Bella I was not an idiot. How the hell had she known her neck wasn't broken? She wasn't a doctor! It's entirely possible I could have different injuries then Bella so I would wait until the doctor told me to take it off like a good girl.

There was hustle and bustle as they brought in the guy that tried to kill me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry!"

"Were you drunk?"

"What? No-"

"Did you have chains are your tires?"

"Umm no?"

"Well then make sure it doesn't happen again by buying some chains and I'll get over it."

He ignored me asshole. "I thought I was going to kill you! I was going too fast, and I hit the ice wrong…" He winced as one nurse started dabbing at his face.

"Well I'm not dead. If I was I would haunt you until your dyeing day."

"How did you get out of the way so fast? You were there, and then you were gone…"

I almost said magic, but I restrained myself.

"I was talking to Edward about homework and he pulled me out of the way. Now I owe the ass. Damn it all."

He looked confused. "Who?"

"The pretty Cullen dude that's either gay or asexual."

How many want to bet that some vampires just face planted? Huh? Huh?

"Huh? Is he really?I didn't see him… wow, it was all so fast, I guess. Is he okay?"

"Oh he's fine. I don't know if he really is, but he looks like it and if you say that to Jessica her eyes pop out." I said the last part every smugly and knowledgably.

Then they took me away to X-ray and after I did not tell them how to do their job they deicide I was fine.

So anyway I spent a fun time in the ER convincing the guy that tried to kill me that Edward was gay. I think I was successful! Then he wouldn't stop saying how sorry he was and I ran out of witty comebacks.

_Finally, I closed my eyes and ignored him. He kept up a remorseful mumbling._

_"Is she sleeping?" a _gay _musical voice asked. My eyes flew open._

Edward was standing at the foot of my bed, wincing. I smirked at him.

"Hey, Edward, I'm really sorry —" Tyler began.

Edward lifted a hand to stop him.

"No blood, no foul," he said, flashing his brilliant teeth. He moved to sit on the edge of Tyler's bed, facing me. He tried to smile at me, but he failed.

"So, what's the verdict?" he asked me.

"Oh I'm dying. Very painfully. Only chocolate can save me."

He snorted.

"I don't suppose you know of any chocolate fetching superheroes?"

He glared at me and deadpanned, "After not."

_Then a doctor walked around the corner, and my mouth fell open _and I started to laugh.

He was hot, blond, and looked like one of the guys from that awful hospital soap opera!

I was stared at.

_"So, Miss Swan," Dr. Cullen said in a remarkably appealing voice, "_It seems you are feeling alright_?"_

"Oh never better!"

_He walked to the lightboard on the wall over my head, and turned it on._

_"Your X-rays look good," he said. "Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard."_

"An! I'll live."

_The doctor's cool fingers probed lightly along my skull. He noticed when I winced._

_"Tender?" he asked._

"Like it's been slammed into the pavement!"

_I heard a chuckle, and looked over to see Edward's patronizing smile. My eyes narrowed._

_"Well, your father is in the waiting room - you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all."_

"Ok." What kind of idiot wants to go back to school?"

"Just be sure to take it easy."

"Sure thing Doc!

I turned to Edward.

"I see you weren't hurt in the least and I suppose will be going back to school?"

He narrowed his eyes at me then smirked.

_"Someone has to spread the good news that we survived," Edward said smugly._

_"Actually," Dr. Cullen corrected, "most of the school seems to be in the waiting room."_

"Joy. Especially seeing as I hate most of those people."

_Dr. Cullen raised his eyebrows. "Do you want to stay?"_

"Is the hospital food worse than the cafeteria food?" I asked with wide eyes "Because if it is I don't think so."

The doctor laughed, but didn't answer my question. I deiced to get up only I fell down.

_Dr. Cullen caught me. He looked concerned_**.**

"I'm alright."

_"Take some Tylenol for the pain," he suggested as he steadied me._

"I will remember to do that!"

_It sounds like you were extremely lucky," Dr. Cullen said, smiling as he signed my chart with a flourish._

I snorted "Oh yeah lucks my middle name! Of course Edward helped as well…luckily."

_"Oh, well, yes," Dr. Cullen agreed, suddenly occupied with the papers in front of him. Then he looked away, at Tyler, and walked to the next bed._

_"I'm afraid that __you'll __have to stay with us just a little bit longer," he said to Tyler, and began checking his cuts._

"Oh say did I thank you for saving my life?" I turned to Edward and he smirked.

"No I don't believe you did though you are welcome."

"Well thanks anyway superman. How about we have a talk for a minute outside?"

He made a face with a clenched jaw and looked all mean.

_"Your father is waiting for you," he said through his teeth._

I smiled. "He'll keep. Please talk to me? Or are we going to have this conversation at the school cafeteria tomorrow?" I spoke brightly and I'm sure it was annoying.

_He glared, and then turned his back and strode down the long room. I nearly had to run to keep up. As soon as we turned the corner into a short hallway, he spun around to face me._

_"What do you want?" he asked, sounding annoyed. His eyes were cold._

"Chill out. I wanted two things. First if you're going back to school will you pick up my homework for me?" I put on a pleading face and I totally knocked him off guard. Oh yeah! I'm brilliant! Ha-ha. Vampire WTF face!

He visibly looked thrown off and his anger deflated somewhat.

"I suppose…What else did you want?" He asked cautiously.

"I wanted to set things straight about whatever it is you are." Now this is what I always thought Bella should have done.

He stiffened. "I don't know what you're talking about." I smile sweetly and nodded.

"And that's fine because I owe you one so I'm not going to pry." He looked confused.

I lowered my voice. "Look you and your family sticks out like a sore thumb. I can tell you're not human, but it doesn't bother me and I owe you enough to keep my mouth shut and not bother you. Of course I find it very hard not to bother people and I'm naturally interested in whatever is going on so I might figure it out anyway, but like I said it doesn't matter."

Shell shocked. The boy looked so fucking shocked.

I titled my head back.

"Yeah I thought you had fangs if you don't close your mouth flies will fly in." I couldn't actually see fangs, but his mouth was open and I could not resist. His mouth shut quickly.

"You hit your head and you're seeing things." He held onto that disparately.

"If you say so. If I am seeing things shouldn't I have my head checked again? Yet I see you making no move to inform people what it is I'm not seeing. Anyway Edward remember about getting me that homework. See ya!"

"Hey wait-"

But I was gone and it was an awesome dramatic exit.

Honestly Bella was so stupid! Edward saved her life so who cares if he has secrets that are none of her business! She was so rude! I was so much better. Now I could talk to My Liege and- oh dear she already knows they are vampires and I just said I wouldn't tell anyone. Well I guess I'll explain that at lunch with Edward tomorrow. As long as I'm not the lunch with Edward tomorrow I should be fine.


	9. I'm awesome!

Hi! I know it's been awhile, but I haven't given up the story! And I never will because I have over 50 reviews and I really want to try to get 100.

I'm awesome!

Oh yeah I'm awesome! That went great! Big ego boost! When getting out of the hospital and being surrounded by classmates I complained loudly that I could only heal if I received chocolate. I received many promises of chocolate from a great many males including puppy. Of course this improved my mood even more because I had found a use for my wannabe groupies. My happiness lasted until Mary showed up at my door. Not that My Liege isn't awesome, but it seemed that Edward had needed time to process my own awesomeness and so had asked My Liege to deliver the homework.

In retrospect I suppose it was a good thing he didn't come by because this way I still had the most awesome exit of all time and I got the last word. If he had showed up I might have lost a word game. Most likely not, I mean the guy's brain is only as good as the author's, but I did hit my head today so I just might have had a less then awesome conversation.

Yes I am using the word awesome too much, but who gives a crap besides my headache I feel awesome! My Liege stuck around to help with my homework and knowing Edward was most likely stalking me right now I made sure to play up his rescue of me.

"Well I was staring at my truck thinking about what a shitty truck it was and Edward came up to me and was all like, 'I think we got off on the foot' and that kind of stuff, because-I did tell you the Ass hissed at me didn't I? Good. Well anyway he sort of wanted to apologize for that, but he wouldn't admit that he freaking hissed at me so we were fighting about that then there was the Noise of Doom and I tried to run, but foot slide out from under me so he moved me out of the way and then the damn car bounce off my shitty truck and tried to kill us again and then we both moved out of the way, but he fell over and knocked me into the ground."

"Ahh." My Liege nodded in understanding.

"So even though he saved my life, it's still his fault I hit my head, however for most people I'll say we were talking about homework because they are so damn stupid they won't question it."

"Hmm I see."

"What do you see?"

"Not what I see what I saw."

"What did you saw?"

"I saw you alone walking around your truck and then there was a blur and a crash and then Eddy appeared next to you when they moved the crash to get to you."

Well shit. Um. Release magical BS skills!

"Oh…Well he had started walking away when the crash came because I insulted him because I was pissed and he slipped a bit on the ice and I went to help him when I slipped and then he pulled me out of the way. You must have looked when he was down and I walking. No idea about a blur."

Straight face. Straight face.

"Then why wouldn't you say that?"

"It was a long run on sentence. And it took away from the point that the Ass won't admit he hissed at me."

"Well…First of all how did you insult him?"

"I said he would never get a boyfriend if he hissed all the time unless his partner was into that. Guess he really wasn't gay. Who knew?" I made sure I looked very surprised. Oh by the way I have no problem with gay people I just think that calling Edward that is funny as hell. His own fault for eavesdropping. I wonder if he fell out of the tree yet and if he feels like a peeping Tom.

"You're not telling me something."

"I'm not?"

"Nope."

"…"

"…"

"Didn't you say before-"

"What do you want for dinner?"

Glare.

Innocent eyes.

Raised eyebrow.

Big grin.

"You said before that-"

"I said a lot of things before that I take back now. I know what you're thinking, but I am completely convinced Edward is normal after seeing him fall on his ass."

Unlike everything else this convinced her.

"So it's not that then. You're still not telling me everything. And when did you become a mind reader?"

"Last month. You have a dirty mind. Anyway a girls got to have some secrets right? If it ever becomes important I'll let you know. Kay?"

"Kay. I want fish."

"Fuck you I've had fish the last three days."

"Fishy!"

"Chicken!"

"Fishy!

"Chicken!"

"Sushi!"

"Hmm…"

"Sushi?"

"Chinese takeout with sushi and chicken and duck sauce."

Approving nod.

Bump fist.

Problem solved. Did I mention that I have awesome BS skills? Because I do. Oh yeah! It's my birthday! I didn't die and I one upped Edward and I lied to my Best friend…err…that last part really is not so nice. I'll guilt Edward about it later and I shall give her some of my get well candy tomorrow.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I get chocolate tomorrow. It's only a day away!

I was both pleased and displeased about the morrow when it came. On one hand I did in fact get chocolate, on the other hand I forgot the guy that tried to kill me would become my next stalker. On one foot My Liege was excellent at the retrieving the candy and the scaring the people away. On the other foot I miss judged my timeline. I had only remembered the important part that being Edward inviting Bella to lunch. I forgot there was a week of ignoring her until Mike asked her to that stupid dance and he became jealous of all things.

Well screw that I wasn't waiting for him to get over himself. However before I got to biology I suppose I could go to lunch first.

Lunch

"My Liege I believe there is a plot."

"A plot…"

"An evil plot…" I glanced for the first time during lunch at the Cullens to see that Edward was sitting with them for some reason and that they were staring at me. I had thought this was the day Edward invited me to sit with him? Surly they didn't think I was talking about them? I grinned widely for the hell of it and then ignored them.

"I believe Jessica hired a minion!"

"No!"

"Yes! It's the boy that tired to kill me! He is stalking me! Worse than the other stalkers even! I think Jessica is paying him in sex. Dirty whore she is."

My Liege snorted in part disbelief and part humor as did a few vampires I could see in the corner of my vision. I didn't really think that I just wanted to say something mean, because I had had to deal with people all day that thought almost being killed was awesome. The sad thing was that I couldn't tell them the awesome part.

"Ok so she's most likely too chicken to give it up and is just a tease, but I'm certain she had something to do with! And I was almost starting to like the guy too he was fun to mess with."

"Mess with how?"

"He now believes Edward is gay."

There was a mid interruption in the lunch room as a certain vampire decide to chuckle inhumanly again. I ignored them.

"And- oh god here he comes!" I held a purple lunch box in front of my face. I had gotten tired of the school food real fast.

"Hi Bella!"

One hand slowly came up from behind the lunch box and waved feebly.

"Don't mind if I sit here do you?" And then the creature Sat. Next. To. Me. My eyes went wide and I looked at My Liege who had gone very still and looked as though she would rip his throat out with a Spork. The lunch room seemed to go silent and it may really have because no one sat next to me and My Liege. Ever.

Finally my Liege spoke some familiar words in a familiar tone.

"**You are breathing my air."**

He looked at her dismissively.

"It's a free country."

He was holding his ground. I eased my Spork out of my lunch box and I bent my knees I was ready to both attack or flee. And then the bell rang and I was outta there.

So to Biology.

"Hi Superman. Can I hire you protect me from Jessica's minion. I'm not sure if My Liege will be enough now that's two of them."

I watched him. He didn't want to answer me. He had made up his mind not to talk to me I was certain, but I would wear him down.

"Don't tell me you're ignoring me again?"

"It didn't work so well last time."

"Are you going to hiss at me again?

"What are-"

"No. I am not ignoring you or hissing at you." He looks angry at himself for talking to me.

Oh yeah I'm good. He talked. Ha-ha. He was clutching that fist again by the way and was acting like I smelled bad.

"Oh good. I'm glad that's settled. So can I hire you?" He actually looked torn for a moment or maybe just confused.

"I'm afraid I wouldn't make a very good body guard." And he looks stupidly amused for a second like that's an inside joke only I know what it is, because he's thinking that he can't protect me from himself which is why he would be a bad body guard. Hah I can guess what the mind reader is thinking.

I raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know you already saved my life once from an evil car."

"I thought Tyler was the evil one."

"Who?"

He blinked at me.

"Jessica's mi- the guy that almost ran you over."

"You admit he's working for Jessica!"

"? Anything you would like to share with the class?" So that might have been a bit loud. I assured the teacher that I did not want to address the class and then he watched me like a hawk so I couldn't talk to Edward. Well Edward couldn't talk to me.

With a hand holding up my chin and carefully placed over my mouth. I tiled my head in Edwards's direction so I could see him better and when I knew he wasn't looking at me I whispered his name very softly. Of course he looked at me so of course I was able to raise an eyebrow and say even softer 'good hearing' at him. He was unhappy and looked kind of surprised. You know I was always surprised Bella never tried to test anything. His hearing or eyesight or strength. Never bothered to try and get proof even to herself that he wasn't human.

What a waste of time. I mean he spends a whole week ignoring her and she just takes it! She just folds in on herself and is dull and boring acts like there is no meaning in life without Edward even before she knows what he is and/or is in love with him. Well I do not take this kind of thing laying down Mr.! I was going to get him to either invite me to lunch within two days, or fell so threaten by me that he leaves. He's already deiced not to kill me so this means I can have as much fun as I want.

Mwwhahaha! Mwwhahaha! Mwwhaha- I didn't laugh out loud right? Right. Good. I really need stop my internal monologues. The bell rang, but Edward didn't leave as fast he normally did.

No, Edward deiced to be a smart ass before he ran out the door.

"You know your 'internal monologues' are most likely the reason you start muttering out loud every once in awhile right?"

He ran away like a coward before I could say a witty come back. Well who cares it was like 57 Bell and 1 Edward at this point. Not like I was counting or anything.


	10. Behind the scenes

I know you are all dying for this and so I shall give it to you even though we shall be backtracking slightly, okay we are backtracking completely actually, but you wanted this so you shall have it…

Alright so no one actually asked for this, but you're getting it anyway because I feel like it and I think it will improve my dialog for Edward. I don't think this will be as funny as my other stuff and if people really don't like it I'll it down.

Edwards Point of View!

Oh yeah I'm going there. And this chapter shall be called…

A bit of Midnight Sunnyness or Behind the scenes take 1.

_**This was the time of day I wished I were able to sleep.**_

_**High school**_

_**Or was purgatory the right word? If there **__**was **__**any way to atone for my sins, this ought to count toward the tally in some measure. The tedium was not something I grew used to; every day seemed more impossibly monotonous than the last."**_

_**I suppose this **__**was **__**my form of sleep – if sleep was defined as the inert state between active periods.**_

_**I stared at the cracks running through the plaster in the far corner of the cafeteria, imagining patterns into them that were not there. It was one way to tune out the voices that babbled like a gush of a river inside my head."**_

_**Several hundred of these voices I ignored out of boredom.**_

_**When it came to the human mind, I'd heard it all before and then some. Today, all thoughts were consumed with the trivial drama of a new addition to the small student body here. It took so little to work them all up.**_

_**I'd seen the new face repeated in thought after thought from every angle. Just an ordinary human girl."**_

Or so he thought. .Dun.

_Edward Cullen._

_**Reflex reaction. I turned to the sound of my name being called, though it wasn't being called, just thought.**_

_**My eyes locked for a small portion of a second**_on a brown haired head because the person was turned away from me and seemed to be scanning the room as if looking for something.

I looked away, bored. It took me a second to realize that she had not been the one to think my name.

_Of course she's already crushing on the Cullen's, Even if she can't hold a conversation to save her life. _I heard the voice continue.

Now I recognized the 'voice.' Jessica Stanley – it had been a while since she'd bothered me with her internal chatter. What a relief it had been when she'd gotten over her misplaced infatuation.

_Fat lot of good it will do her, _Jessica went on. _She's really not even pretty. I don't know why Eric is staring so much…or Mike._

So that was the new girl. I wasn't surprised Jessica was sinking her claws into her for the popularity.

I stared to ignore them until I heard a very annoyed, "What?" from the new girl. Not many people spoke that way to Jessica. I watched her turn around to narrow chocolate-brown human eyes set in her pale, heart-shaped face. It was the same face that had been on a many male's mind all day.

"The people you were staring at those were the Cullens." Jessica took no notice of the girl's tone or the fact that she hadn't been looking anywhere near my family.

"I was staring at the girl wherein pink with a Harry Potter book wandering if it would be worth the evil of the color pink to strike up a conversation about literature."

My interest waned figuring that now Jessica would began filling the new girl in on our family. As I suspected she leaned forward to import gossip.

"Don't bother. They're all together except for Edward. He doesn't date." _And if he did he would never go for her anyway._

The new girl didn't even look in our direction. I deiced to let my family know what was going on to help me block out the unpleasant mental voice of Jessica.

"Jessica Stanley is giving the new Swan girl all the dirty laundry on the Cullen clan," I murmured to Emmett.

He chuckled under his breath. _I hope she's making it good, _he thought. I was distracted from my answer to him do to the sudden mental shirking.

_EDWARD IS NOT GAY!_

The first time in almost a hundred years that I almost fell over.

"Bella!" Jessica shirked horrified the sound reaching all of my family's ears.

"Jessica!" Bella said mockingly.

_HOW COULD SHE THINK THAT! HE'S TOO PERFECT TO BE GAY!_

It took me a moment to search for her mind to realize that the new girl had taken my refusal to date as evidence of homosexuality of all things. While there was a very small few that had thought of that before no one to my knowledge had ever said it out loud.

Jessica tried to calm down by focusing on more gossip.

"Well they all moved here about a year ago from Alaska."

"Did I ask?"

Bella was not making it easy for her.

"They're adopted-"

Jessica was slowly becoming hysterical.

"Okay." Bella sounded bored.

By now I and my family were watching them like a tennis match. Luckily I was the only one from my family that had heard that the new girl now thought I was gay they wouldn't have let it go for a few years at least. Or was she just saying that to mess with Jessica's head? If so it was working. I tried to focus on her thoughts as she finished driving Jessica up the wall so to speak.

"Ms. Cullen can't have children." Jessica said snottily making us frown.

"How is that my concern?" 'Or yours?' seemed to be the unspoken question.

"Well they live together!" Jessica sounded shocked and scandalized while thinking that this was not going the way she had planned at all.

"Well I don't care!" She coped Jessica's tone perfectly. Emmitt chucked, Jasper grinned, Alice gave her tinkling laugh and even Rosaline smirked at the fact that someone had so completely gotten the best of the annoying girl. I however wasn't focusing on the humor in the situation. As she said something about the god Jupiter and the color pink while skipping off to another table I frowned.

I picked up Jessica's thoughts clearly.

_How dare she not care! What is wrong with her!_

But Isabella Swans thoughts were silent.

It was unbelievably frustrating! I could clearly see that it was a strain for her to sit there, to make conversation with the people around her, yet she didn't seem to mind being the centre of attention. I could sense her confidence, from the way she held her frail-looking shoulders up proudly. I could also tell her irritation from the set of her mouth and sarcastic tilt of her eyes. And yet I could only sense, could only see, could only imagine. There was nothing but silence from the very unexceptional human girl. I could hear nothing. Why?

Needless to say I spent the rest of lunch discreetly staring at her and ignoring my siblings' questions to know what she was thinking. Who she ended up sitting with just made me more interested. The girl with the pink shirt and Harry Potter book was Mary McKinney.

She seemed to be the school's only human outcast and it was easy to tell why. While she did bath the same as the other human's her hair was never well groomed and she made no effort to fix that. This made some of the other humans believe she wasn't hygienic. Her clothes were unfaltering and unpopular. Alice would often tut at her lack of fashion sense. She was quite and often found reading. She made no effort to make any friends and reacted suspicious if not downright hostile towards people that tried to approach her.

I avoided Mary's mind almost as much as I did Jessica's thou not for the same reasons. While Jessica had disturbing metal images of making out with various guys including myself and my brothers, Mary had disturbing metal images of hurting people with various sharp objects. It wasn't that rare in this time period for teenagers to be slightly homicidal what with the increase of violence they saw on TV most did not act on their desires, however most of them weren't as graphic as Mary was either. The girl had no fear of blood in fact that shade of red seemed to be her favorite As a Vampire it was better not to think of jumping into puddles of blood of the more annoying students that I had to smell every day.

Luckily those thought were just fond daydreams of hers and she had never actually planned to kill anyone. Jessica's death was always extremely bloody in Mary's mind as was her math teacher. I did not tell anyone about Mary's thoughts because I was distracted by it enough on my own without Emmitt's input.

It was fascinating to watch as Bella put the girl at easy with a few well placed words. I suppose she did so unknowingly, however as I had yet to hear her mind I couldn't be certain about anything she was doing. This was unbelievably frustrating.

(I was thinking about making this awhile ago, but didn't get around to it. How were Edward's thoughts that I changed? Was this interesting enough to try his take on other scenes with him and Bell? I also wrote this to get a better fell for Mary. Was she too odd? I know lots of people that are very mentally violent as far as thinking and laughing about blood and such, but aren't a danger to themselves or others.)


	11. Bad week

I am both surprised and pleased that people liked my take on Edward's point of view. I may make a few more of those scattered throughout the story or I may not.

Note: I get random burst of inspiration so right now I'm in a twilight mood so I will write a lot of this story. Then my mood shall change and I shall ignore the story for a few months. However you may be assured I shall never stop writing this story until you know it's done and then I might make a sequel.

Another Note: I've never had a story where I could write so many different kinds of sequels. Maybe I'll put a poll when it gets closer to the end.

Anyways here's the story and let's try and get the reviews up to like 65 on this one. Can we? Can we?

A bad week or I'm being a Bitch and I don't care.

My epic plan for speeding the time line up didn't work. Not because I failed, but because I was so pissed off I ignored Edward the next day. Amazingly enough it was not a vampire that pissed me off, nor was it Jessica. Tyler Crowley, who had been upgraded to having a real name because of his annoying factor, had become the bane of my existence. Both I and My Liege were close to snapping.

"Hey Bella! We should go out sometime!"

"What are you doing Saturday?"

"Hey Bella!"

"Hi Bella!"

"Let me walk you to class Bella!"

The other males had instinctually felt the fuck off vibe and had never gotten as close to have their head rib off as this boy. Oh God…I had found the male version of Bella! Eww! The boy was boring and average and apparently could not see that his infatuation wanted to kill him. Eww! And Woe! Woe is me! 'As me' or is it 'is me'? I don't know, but I want to kill him!

The days past slowly. My biology classes pasted like this.

Biology

"Grrr…"

I grit my teeth. Stare straight ahead. Break 3 pencils.

"Are you alright?" Edward noticed this.

Glare.

"Unless you can make that damn boy's head explode, don't talk to me."

I was too pissed to care about his response or reaction.

Lunch time

It was sitting with us again. We told it to leave, but it would not go. We got up to leave, but it followed. I contemplated asking Edward if I could sit with him and deiced I was too pissed off to be nice about it.

Biology again.

"Murder…shave…ice…sticks…needles…crowbar…"

Edward decided not to speak to me that day.

Lunch

"I hate you."

"How are you today Bells?"

"I want you to die."

"Painfully." My Liege added.

"Painfully." I agreed.

It didn't hear us it was busy trying to steal my potato chips.

Biology.

"Hello Edward."

"Hello Bella." I felt a small bit of satisfaction that he knew better then to ignore me.

"Have you ever wanted to rip someone's face off?"

"…"

"The way you're looking at makes me wonder if you have ripped someone's face off before."

Life went on for about a week in this way. I had all but forgotten everything other then the need to destroy 'IT'. And then to my horror Jessica called me.

She called the first Tuesday of March to ask my permission to invite Mike to the girls' choice spring dance in two weeks of all things

"How did you get my phone number? Never mind I don't want to know."

Her voice was annoying.

"What?"

Why was she being stupid?

"Why would I invite him to the dance?"

Idiot.

"No! No no and no! You two deserve each other way too much!"

Blah, Blah, Blah. That's all she is saying. I'm not even going to write down what she's saying back to me when I write my better then Twilight life story.

"Jupiter! I am not nice! Let me alone, never call me again, and yes take Puppy far far away from me!"

Click.

"Bella? Are you alright?"

"Fine Dad. Rough day at school is all."

In which the stupidly of the world was making me lose it.

"So," Mike said, looking at the floor nervously knowing I had been in a bad mood lately, "Jessica asked me to the spring dance."

I closed my eyes and begged for calm.

"I know she did. I'm glad she did. I don't like anyone in this school like that Mike. I do not like you and I do not like Eric and I hate Crowley. You're a good friend…" I almost chocked on the horrible lie I was telling. Which I was only doing because I wanted to go on the beach trip.

"But I'm not dating anyone right now nor do I want to." Oh it hurt so much to let him down easy. I wanted to make him cry.

I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers to my temples, trying to push the anger and frustration out of my head. Mr. Banner began talking. I sighed and opened my eyes.

And Edward was staring at me curiously, that same, familiar edge of frustration even more distinct now in his black eyes.

I stared back, not in the mood, expecting him to look quickly away. But instead he continued to gaze with probing intensity into my eyes. There was no question of me looking away I itching for a fight and his staring was a challenge.

"Mr. Cullen?" the teacher called, seeking the answer to a question that I hadn't heard.

"The Krebs Cycle," Edward answered, seeming reluctant as he turned to look at Mr. Banner.

I was forced to looked down at my book, trying to find my place in case I was called on.

"Bella?"

"Yes Edward? Are you braving my foul mood to talk to me?"

His lips twitched, fighting a smile. "No, not really," he admitted.

"Well then, what's up?"

"I'm sorry." He sounded sincere. "I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way, really."

"Sorry for what? You haven't been an ass lately. Or were you and I was so pissed off I didn't noticed."

He appeared very let down that I hadn't noticed his assness.

"I haven't spoken to you for almost a week." He sounded like a whinny love sick child when he said that.

"But you never speck to me unless I speak to you first and I was too pissed to speak to you first, but hey if you want me to mad about that I'm sure I can find some extra anger somewhere."

He rolled his eyes at me! Jerk!

"No, you don't have to go out of your way to be angry at me. It's just better if we're not friends," he explained. "Trust me."

I blinked at him.

"Where the hell did that come from? Oh and why should I trust you if you aren't my friend?"

Now he blinked.

"The point I was trying to make is that it would be better for you if we aren't friends. And…" He gave a dazzling crocked smile, "…why shouldn't you trust me?"

"Okay…We weren't talking about being friends you just randomly started talking about friendship and…err… I had another point somewhere…" So I'm not completely ignorant of his dazzling talents. I'm still strong willed enough to fight it, I just need a second to overcome it.

His smug expression brought me back on track.

"Oh…why should I trust someone that doesn't want to be my friend?"

"I didn't say I didn't want to…"

"Just that it's best if we aren't. I get that really. I just don't know why you reached that conclusion. Besides I decided you were my friend awhile ago. There's nothing you can do about."

"I think it takes two to decide that." Now he sounded happy again. God he was bi-polar.

"You think wrong, but don't worry there is a cure for that! It's called agreeing with me."

"You really shouldn't be friends with me." And now he looks he looks unhappy and serious again.

"What do you want me to be then? Your enemy? Your lover?" I threw out there to see his reaction. I wasn't disappointed. His eyes were very wide and if he could blush I think he would have been bright red.

"N no! Of course not!" He actually stuttered and then he turned away from me in embarrassment. I burst into laughter and he glared at me.

"Ha-ha! I was joking! Hahaha!'I shoved his shoulder playfully without thinking about it and then had to ignored the fact that he was immovable and cold. He tensed dramatically when I did that.

Again I had drawn the teacher's attention.

I whispered, "Sorry, Superman."

His mouth tilted up very slightly, but he didn't look at me. I whispered again.

"You're pretty good at cheering me up oh not friend of mine." I goaded him slightly and he met my gaze with a disapproving look, though I could tell he was mildly amused.

Fuck I was way too chummy with him. No matter. If I was right about my timelines this time, he should do something to piss me off by the end of the day. Oh joy. There went my almost good mood.


	12. Getting even

Hello World! So we are at 67 reviews! Yay me! I asked to get 65 so as we have more than that as a reward I shall write another chapter! I want 100 reviews so badly.

Getting even or a slightly better day.

It was a relief, as always, to leave. I almost ran to the truck; there were just so many people I wanted to avoid mostly males. The truck had suffered only minimal damage in the accident. I'd had to replace the taillights, and if I'd had a real paint job, I would have touched that up. It's such a crappy truck. Tyler's parents had to sell their van for parts. Ha ha.

I frowned when I rounded the corner and saw a tall, dark figure leaning against the side of my truck. Then I realized it was Eric. I wanted to punch him. He hadn't been that all over me this week, but he was still one of my damn stalkers. I would go to him and he would say hi and I would pull back my fist just so…POW!

I waited until I was right next to him before I looked at him and then I said nothing.

"Hi, Bella." He sounded uncomfortable.

"Hello…Eric…"

"Uh, I was just wondering… if you would go to the spring dance with me." His voice broke on the last word.

"No. I'm going out of town on that day. I'm gay. I'm in love with my imaginary friend. I'm asexual. I'm really a dude. I just got over a bad break up. Pick one and spread the word."

"…"

I got into my truck and slammed the door.

He stumbled off, back toward the school in a daze.

I heard a loud laugh and I twisted in the truck to glare the one who would laugh at my perfectly understandable excuses.

Edward was walking past the front of my truck, looking straight forward, his lips pressed together, he was also shacking slightly and his mouth was twitching horribly.

I gave him the finger. Then wondered just how funny he must have fond that because I was in the truck when I heard him. I was just barley starting to feel a bit better. Pleased with myself for being funnier then Bella when it happened. IT pissed me off so badly I'm not even going to add a dun, dun, dun here.

I revved the engine deafeningly and reversed out into the aisle. Edward was in his car already, two spaces down, sliding out smoothly in front of me, cutting me off. He stopped there — to piss me off.

I could see the four vampires walking this way, but still by the cafeteria. I considered taking out the rear of his shiny Volvo. I mean I really considered just crashing into that baby. So much that I backed up again I stared revving the engine like one of those car racing idiots.

I would give him one chance. I rolled down my window and spoke in a clear normal volumed voice.

"Edward Cullen I shall make your shinny car look like a shinny pancake so help me Gods if you don't move right goddamn-"

"Hi Bella!"

It was beside my car.

"Oh. My. God. Crawly I'm-"

"I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here." He grinned.

"No! The answer is no! And it will always be-"

"Will you ask me to the spring dance?" he continued as if I had never spoken.

"No!"

"That's cool. We still have prom." He walked away.

"He is dead. Right after the Volvo."

I gunned the truck. I could see Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper all sliding into the Volvo. In his rearview mirror, Edward's eyes were on me. He was unquestionably shaking with laughter, after hearing every word Tyler had said.

I had a much closer miss then Bella who had waited seconds that I had not. I could see his face slip from mirth to shook as I actually tried to hit him.

"Die shinny car! Die!" What? I needed to work out stress and I knew it wouldn't hurt them it I killed their car.

I might have gone a bit over board.

"Muwhahah! Die!" I did chase them out of the parking gleefully watching Edwards face in the mirror.

Ok look. I'm in a book of all things. What is the point of being in a fake world if you don't get into a car chase. Mind you it was a very sad car chase considering that the truck began to sputter very loudly when I tried to push it over 70. It wasn't surprising that I lost them when we they got out of the parking lot.

I giggled on the way home. Excellent stress relief.

I got home. I made some non hot chilly to go with some hotdogs. I called My Liege and I told her I was in a car chase. She didn't believe me. That was ok we planned how to kill Crawly, which made for a very good two hour conversation. Then she had to go because she had homework. Me homework? Nah…I don't believe in making good grades in fake worlds. I would be so pissed if I graduated from a fake school with a fake diploma then I returned to my world at the same time I left it.

Jessica tried to call me, but I had blocked her number at this point.

I read a Harry Potter book and painted my nails purple. Charlie came home. We had dinner and I just barley remembered I needed to go out of town so I could get the time line to move. If Edward wants to come with me now when he may think I tried to kill him. That will be fun to explain.

"Dad?" I asked when he was almost done.

"Yeah, Bella?"

" I'm goanna head out to Seattle for the day a week from Saturday. I am despite for a mall or bookstore or game store or a nice place to eat or a movie theater."

"You're going on a date?" He asked alarmed.

"No. I wouldn't go to a mall with a guy Dad".

"Right." He calmed down.

"That truck probably doesn't get very good gas mileage."

"Got that right. I'll survive."

"Are you going all by yourself?"

"Maybe. I might invite Mary or Alice if I can catch her. Or I could close my eyes and pick a random male."

I wasn't going to there, but I had had it.

"The boys at school just won't leave me alone."

"What do you mean?" He was alert and alarmed. I made myself not grin.

"Tyler Crawly won't leave me alone after he almost killed me with his car. He follows me everywhere at school dad and it really makes me uncomfortable." Oh I said the magic words. Her dad's a cop and she needs boys off her back and Bella doesn't even think to say anything to her dad at all. By the way telling any father or grandfather or kindly male that a young guy makes you uncomfortable is more or less waving a red flag in front of a bull.

Charlie's face darkened.

"Don't worry about Tyler Crawly. I know the kid's parents."

"Thanks Dad."

Well that stopped that line of questioning didn't it. Now don't take me wrong. I'm not a tattletale most the time. I see someone stealing something that's not mine I'll keep my mouth shut and if I see someone being an ass to someone I don't know I'll let them deal with it. But all is fair in love, war, my life, my friends, and my things and if someone is pissing me off and I can't deal with on my own. Honey I will sick fathers, mothers, cops, and the demons of hell on the son of a bitch.


	13. Sacrliegious

Of chauffeurs and being sacrilegious.

Warning: This chapter involves both the term chauffeur and has minor sacrilegious statements.

Let me know if anything was way out of character for Edward. I'm still uncomfortable writing him.

The next morning, when I pulled into the parking lot, I deliberately parked as close as possible to the silver Volvo. I wanted to make Edward afraid. Very afraid.

Getting out of the truck, I attempted to toss and catch my keys for the hell of it and it fell into a puddle at my feet. I glared at it and thought about picking it up when a white hand flashed out and grabbed it before I could.

I showed no reaction to Edward Cullen was right next to me, leaning casually against my truck.

"Thanks superman. Can you teleport?"

He looked confused.

"You keep appearing out of thin air."

"Bella, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." His voice was quiet as usual — velvet, muted maybe in a drugged daze.

I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Edward, it's not my fault if you are an exceptionally bad liar. Neither is it my fault if your car becomes mysteriously smashed."

He looked rather alarmed funnily enough. He attempted to speck calmly.

"What do have against my car?" He failed. He sounded very slightly panicked. Men and their cars…

I smiled sweetly and walked closer to him until I was just about up in his face. He tensed and stared at me. His breathing stopped suddenly. My I point out I took his breath away? Hahaha!

"You Edward… blocked me on purpose yesterday. I suppose you thought it would be funny to make me deal with that ass? Humm?"

He took a step back from me and I smirked in triumph. To his credit he recovered and gave his own smirk.

"That was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance." He almost looked like he would laugh until he caught sight of my expression.

"Take a good look at that car Edward. It might be the last time you see it like that."

To my extreme amusement his eyes did flick to his car.

"I'm surprised you would risk having to go to the hospital again."

"Some things are worth it. Besides I'm rather certain I could have destroyed your car with all of you in and you would be perfectly fine."

Now he looked angry.

"But you don't know that-"

"Oh yes I do and I can tell by the fact that you are still more worried about your car then your health as proof of it."

"Your ridicules."

"Your tempting fate, by making be anywhere near Crowley." I shuddered at the name.

"And that's a good excuse for trying to run me off the road?"

"I did over react by trying to kill your car so I will apologies for that, but you were being a horrible asshole by blocking me in, on purpose, with that creature that wanted to talk to me."

"That creature? Why do you hate him so much more than the others?"

"By others I suppose you mean guys that are trying to get in my pants?"

He closed his eyes and took a breath.

"If you must be so crude, then that's one way of putting it."

"Oh I could be a lot more crude then that. Anyways he is more persistence then the others."

I started to turn and leave when I stopped and turned back to him.

"Hey Edward? How much do you want me not to try and kill your car, because you know I'll get it at some point."

He frowned, but looked considering.

"I don't know why you want to owe me a new car or make your father worry by being in another accident…"

"You don't care very much then? Your lose." I looked at his car when I said that.

"Just what is that you were wanting?" Ha! I think this will actually work.

"A chauffeur for Saturday. I want to go to Seattle, but my truck gets terrible gas mileage."

He chuckled.

"So instead of 'killing' my car you really just wanted to ride in it?"

I grinned.

"Hell yah! I love shinny things."

"Alright, but Bella?"

"Yes Edward."

"You really should stay away from me."

"You really should stop being bi-polar."

We walked comfortablely together into the school and then went our separate ways to class. You know I was starting to like him just a little bit. Most likely because he was a vampire and I could fuck with his mind a lot, but still… Well he was an abusive stalker, who lived in a book so no real relationship would happen, but we are sort of friends now. Err…only I still kind of hate him and wish him misery. But if I didn't know how controlling he was I would like him. Only I might be able to change him. But he's in a book so all of this is irrelevant anyways. Might as well just go with the flow.

Lunch.

"What's up My Liege?"

"The sky is up."

"Ahh…"

"Hey minion?"

"Yeah?"

"Why's Cullen starting at you?

"Which one? The bitchy one, the brawny one, the-"

"The gay one."

"Oh?"

I turned to look at Edward setting alone wincing because he is now being referred to as the gay one. He tried to smile and beckoned me over to him.

"Maybe he's trying to get out of being my chauffeur. I'll go see what he wants."

"Chauffeur?"

"I'll call and tell you tonight." I waved her off and walked over to where Edward was noting that I was being watched and that when I promptly slide into the set beside him the room quieted and then whispers broke out.

"What's up my homosexual Superman?" You know with cartoons when a characters head hangs down and dark colors come up behind them and sometimes they have lines of misery drawn on their face? It wasn't quite like that, but he did look put out. He almost painfully asked.

"Do you really think I'm gay?" I could hear his brothers laughing loudly.

"No, not really." I said comfortingly.

"You have more of an asexual vibe then anything." He only looked the slightest bit comforted. Then he gazed over at his old table and began to look slightly mortified. It must have been because of what they were thinking. I snorted at his expression and he glared at me.

"For the record I am straight."

I nodded and smiled. Then I took a drink of my .

"I can never tell what you're thinking." He looked deeply frustrated.

I titled my head.

"You say that a lot. I'm starting to wonder if you can normally tell what people are thinking."

I said this causally and grabbed a cucumber slice from my lunch box.

He gave a fake laugh.

"Of course not."

"And you can't pick up vans over your head either. Of course not!" I mocked him.

"Anyways…What up with the lunch invite Mr. We shouldn't be friends."

He sighed looking even more frustrated.

"Well…" He paused, and then the rest of the words followed in a rush. "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

I nodded as if this made perfect sense. It was kind of like as long as I was in a book I might as well do whatever I feel like doing which could be ignoring homework or being in a car chase.

"What sin are you going to hell for?"

"Sins." He said in a low voice. His burned with intensity.

"Hopefully you won't ever find out which sins those are."

I blinked at him and tried to think of something to lighten the mood.

"Well then what kind of hell?"

He blinked.

"What so you mean what kind of hell?"

"Well the fire and brimstone hell is pink because if you light brimstone on fire it burns pink and that would be a horrible hell. Then there's modern day hell that is normal flames and little red demons. Then there the whole 7 levels of hell concept-"

He burst out laughing and I smiled please with myself. He slowly recovered.

"I don't believe I've heard of a pink hell. Though that would be insult added to injury to some."

"It would be injury added to injury to me. Besides I believe in the great god Jupiter and he/she doesn't have a hell."

He looked interested.

"So you don't know the gender of your god?"

"Of course not! Do gods have to have sex to create things? No they don't so why would they have sexual organs in the first place. Gender roles are a human concept-"

Now he put his head down and covered his face with his hand which didn't help much as his shoulders were shaking.

"You must live in a rather humorless world. That or I'm secret comedian and I didn't know it."

"My point." He said when he could finally look at me again. "My point is that I am giving up trying to be good. I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may."

I wondered if there was reason our conversations seemed to mirror the book on the main points. Maybe everything would be forced to go in a certain direction no matter what I did. I mean I can obviously say whatever I want, but no matter how off topic we get he keeps going back to book script. It was kind of annoying.

"Bella?"

"Oh. I zoned out. Trying to understand how your desire to get on Santa's naughty list has anything to do with me." I just can't say something normal today can I?

He shook his head at me.

"How I told you that you are ridicules?"

"You might have said that once today."

The bell rang before we could finish are very interesting conversation.

I jumped to my feet. "We're going to be late."

"I'm not going to class today," he said, twirling the lid so fast it was just a blur.

"So your starting the whole going to hell thing by skipping classes." I deadpanned.

"Way to go, really evil there." I said encouragingly.

"I'm not-"

"By Superman!"

I really enjoy leaving when his still talking. It's funny as hell. Now why wasn't he going to class? My mind had completely drawn a blank. Oh well I'm sure it's not anything important.


	14. F my life

F for Fuck, my life Anyone else notice we are only on the 5th chapter in Twilight and yet this is chapter I'll be writing this story for years won't I?

Anyway. I have two people that reviewed that spoke up about me having Edward sticking to the book script. One person wanted me to just stop making him follow the book and the other person seemed to find it funny I was making Edward follow the book somewhat. So I want to know what everyone else thinks.

Now I am of the opinion it is funny and keeps him in character, because I am not very confident about Edward's character at all. If anyone would like to Beta for me even if it means reading my chapters right before a post them and giving me advice only on Edward's personality and nothing else. I would really appreciate it and be willing to try to stay away from the book script more.

If it bugs a lot of people I will try harder to get a Beta.

Before we get to the story i just to let you know we are on 81 reviews! Come on! So close to 100! Review! At least get me to the 90s! I love you all so review for me! Also tell me if you want me to do somthing when I get 100 reviews. I'm not sure what, but if you wanted her to act a certain way in a certain chapter and she didn't, or you want a romance sence with her and Jasper or Emmett or hell even her and Alice. I would be more then willing to make just about any kind of one shot for this fic if I reach 100 reviews.

And F for

Fuck I hate this body!

_"So your starting the whole going to hell thing by skipping classes." I deadpanned._

_"Way to go, really evil there." I said encouragingly._

_"I'm not-"_

_"By Superman!"_

_I really enjoy leaving when his still talking. It's funny as hell. Now why wasn't he going to class? My mind had completely drawn a blank. Oh well I'm sure it's not anything important._

Fuck, fuck, fuck,fuck and did I say anything about that word that starts with F and ends with uck? No I didn't? Well let me say it now FUCK!

Why am I saying this word you ask? Because my life sucks I reply. I was totally never sick over the bloody smell of blood before I was in the damn awful body. A new brain in this ugly body could get rid of the clumsiness which proves it was a metal problem all along, but it seems that the body's reactions to scents is all Bella and not Bell.

This is what happened so listen the fuck up.

Biology

So first Mr. Banner comes into the room. Dun, Dun, and Dun. He calls the class to order and we see he is holding boxes. Dun, Dun, and fucking Dun again. He puts them on Mike's table and tells him to pass them around. So the teacher's dog obeys and it all goes downhill from there.

The man specks.

_"Okay, guys, I want you all to take one piece from each box," he said as he produced a pair of rubber gloves from the pocket of his lab jacket and pulled them on. The sharp sound as the gloves snapped into place against his wrists seemed ominous to me. "The first should be an indicator card," he went on, grabbing a white card with four squares marked on it and displaying it. _

And damn it I was happy. I remembered what this was and I was happy I would be better then Bella again. I was happy I thought I would triumph. I also had never learned my blood type and even though this wasn't my blood I still found the whole process interesting.

_"The second is a four-pronged applicator —" he held up something that looked like a nearly toothless hair pick "— and the third is a sterile micro-lancet." He held up a small piece of blue plastic and split it open. The barb was invisible from this distance, but my stomach flipped._

Which I found odd. I am not that much of a sissy ok. I can so look at needles all day long without a problem.

_"I'll be coming around with a dropper of water to prepare your cards, so please don't start until I get to you." He began at Mike's table again, carefully putting one drop of water in each of the four squares._

_"Then I want you to carefully prick your finger with the lancet…" _

_He grabbed Mike's hand and jabbed the spike into the tip of Mike's middle finger._

Oh mother honey ice tea, fuck, damn, motherfucker, I was going to be sick.

_"Put a small drop of blood on each of the prongs." He demonstrated, squeezing Mike's finger till the blood flowed. I swallowed convulsively, my stomach heaving._

_"And then apply it to the card," he finished, holding up the dripping red card for us to see. I closed my eyes, trying to hear through the ringing in my ears._

_"The Red Cross is having a blood drive in Port Angeles next weekend, so I thought you should all know your blood type." _

_He sounded proud of himself. "Those of you who aren't eighteen yet will need a parent's permission — I have slips at my desk."_

May I point out that even if I wasn't sick I most certainly was not going to give blood to fake book people.

Instead of letting him continue and risk throwing up I shakily got to my feet and spoke.

"I am going to be sick and I am leaving."

I tried to walk and I was succeeding just fine. I was just a little wobbly, but Mike jumped up and grabbed me saying he would take me to the nurse. Despite my protest-.

"Nooo! Let me go or I shall throw up on you!"

-The damn teacher told him to take me.

I deiced to use Mike as the crutch he was volunteering to be, but not without comment.

"You touch my ass and I will hurt you. Flesh eating pencils. Remember the pencils."

Mike had to half way carried me slowly across the campus and I increased my hatred of Bella with each step. Her body was so wimpy. I felt so lame.

"Lameness. This is so lame. I despair. I will hurt you if your arm brushes my boobs again. Your face. I break it."

Mike may or may not have spoken during my sick ramblings, I wasn't paying attention.

I suddenly deiced that the bleeding boy next to me was not helping.

"Halt. You are bleeding."

"Not really its stopped by now."

"Bleeding I can't stand blood apparently so you leave."

"But Bella-"

"Leave or I make you bleed more!"

This threat might have been a bit diminished seeing as I slumped over on my side and Eskimo kissed the sidewalk. This helped.

"Wow, you're green, Bella," Mike said nervously.

That did not help.

"Bella?" a different voice called from the distance.

I groaned as if I was dying.

"Superman…" I whimpered feebly.

"What's wrong — is she hurt?" His voice was closer now, and he sounded upset.

I deiced to roll over on my back and left one hand to my forehead in a weak woman fainting jester. Hey look, I could either be embarrassed or I could make everyone around me uncomfortable. Guess what I chose to do?

"I is dying. His fault. Kill him or at least make him go away." I waved my arm at Mike.

Mike seemed stressed. "I think she fainted for moment there. I don't know what happened, she didn't even stick her finger."

"Idiot." I grumbled.

"Bella." Edward's voice was right beside me, relieved now. "Can you hear me?"

I open one eye and stare at him.

"No. Now make Mike leave."

He raised an eyebrow at Mike and smiled

_"I was taking her to the nurse," Mike explained in a defensive tone, "but she wouldn't go any farther."_

_"I'll take her," Edward said. I could hear the smile still in his voice._

_"You can go back to class."_

_"No," Mike protested. "I'm supposed to do it."_

" I told you to- oh fuck!" I started to speck.

_Suddenly the sidewalk disappeared from beneath me. _My eyes closed tightly at the motion_. Edward had scooped me up in his arms, as easily as if I weighed ten pounds instead of a hundred and ten._

I was going to vomit. Yes indeed I was going to vomit on a vampire. Ha-ha. Not really funny.

_He was walking before I was finished talking._

_"Hey!" Mike called, already ten paces behind us._

_Edward ignored him. "You look awful," he told me, grinning._

"Why to make a girl feel special. See what you look like when I vomit on you."

_The rocking movement of his walk was not helping._

_He held me away from his body, gingerly, supporting all my weight with just his arms — it didn't seem to bother him._

_"So you faint at the sight of blood?" he asked. This seemed to entertain him._ It entertained me too the first time I read it. In the damn book when it happened to someone else!

_I didn't answer. I closed my eyes again and fought the nausea with all my strength, clamping my lips together._

_"And not even your own blood," he continued, enjoying himself._

"Fuck youuu." I whispered groaned at the end do to the damn motion sickness. Then I gave up on specking and deiced to tempt fate. I estimated a 25 % chance if I died here I would wake up in my world and I really felt bad right now. So I leaned my head back on his shoulder and made myself comfortable with my head against his neck.

Yeah that was real smart of me. Not surprising that he tensed and didn't speck the rest of the way. Maybe it had something to do with him going to look at my face only to see neck. He would only need to lean a little bit to sink his fangs into my neck.

Was I suicidal? Oh god I had joined my pencils in angst!

_I don't know how he opened the door while carrying me, but it was suddenly warm, so I knew we were inside._

_"Oh my," I heard a female voice gasp._

_"She fainted in Biology," Edward explained._

I did not open my eyes I wanted to look dead.

I could still till that_ I was in the office, and Edward was striding past the front counter toward the nurse's door. Ms. Cope, the redheaded front office receptionist, ran ahead of him to hold it open. The grandmotherly nurse looked up from a novel, astonished, as Edward swung me into the room and placed me gently on the crackly paper that covered the brown vinyl mattress on the one cot. Then he moved to stand against the wall as far across the narrow room as possible. His eyes were bright, excited._

So I cheated and peaked. Sue me.

_"She's just a little faint," he reassured the startled nurse. "They're blood typing in Biology."_

_The nurse nodded sagely. "There's always one."_

_He muffled a snicker._

Why the fuck was my pain funny? And how about announcing to the damn class what's going on and asking if anyone had a problem before drawing blood! What an amazing concept!

_"Just lie down for a minute, honey; it'll pass."_

"Grr," I deadpanned and tried to make it sound like an affirmative noise.

Now that Mike was gone the nausea was fading. How about that?

"Does this happen a lot?" she asked.

"Blood typing? Don't know you tell me."

What a stupid question when she knew the reason I was in here.

_Edward coughed to hide another laugh._

I said I wouldn't total his car, but I didn't say I wouldn't total him. Even thou he was a vampire surly it would at least hurt a bit?

_"You can go back to class now," she told him._

_"I'm supposed to stay with her." He said this with such assured authority that — even though she pursed her lips — the nurse didn't argue it further._

_"I'll go get you some ice for your forehead, dear," she said to me, and then bustled out of the room._

And then we were alone. Just me and Edward and my mouth.

"You could have said something about why you were skipping today."

"I don't know what you mean by that. I don't get nausea around blood."

Thankfully I did not laugh at that, thou it was tempting. I had forgotten that he didn't know that I knew so I couldn't point out he was skipping because of the Blood Typing.

"I mean you could have tried to make it sound more fun and make me go with you." See I have the awesome BSing skills.

"Forgive me for not knowing you would get sick in Biology."

Now he was being sarcastic.

"Very well, but your amusement at my pain shall not be taken so lightly."

_"You scared me for a minute there," he admitted after a pause. His tone made it sound like he was confessing a humiliating weakness. _

_"I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods."_

"You really think he is that smart? Besides he wants to fuck not kill me."

I was starting to feel better. Better enough to remember he had quoted himself from the book again. It was annoying.

He winced at the fuck me comment.

"Why do you…act friendly to him sometimes? Most of the time you act like you hate him, but you never push him far enough to make him really leave you alone."

Wow an independent thought from Edward! So how do I explain this without making me sound like a Bitch? All I want from him is to go to that beach thing. Then he will have outlived his usefulness.

"Err? Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?" My BS skills failed me. Doom!

"Really?" He didn't look like he believed me for some reason.

"No. I enjoy tormenting people. Mind games and shit. Life is pretty damn boring when you think about it."

"Hmm…I used to think that." Que the unreadable expression. I could almost hear the 'until I met you part'. Have a mentioned he is bi polar. Up down, turn around and there's Eddy.

So is here where I should say that high school is like purgatory? Well why not?


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